Christmas and other special days

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    Kitkathat
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    My husband a I separated a year ago, we have two children, age 7 and 3.

    They have adapted well to our current arrangements, they live with me and see their dad every other weekend and ad hoc.

    They obviously do miss him being around all the time but I think they are doing very well and as a result they (and their dad) make the most of the time they have together, much more than they did before. Which is so lovely to see.

    I wondered if I could get some advice/opinions on how you all treat the special days such as Christmas and birthdays?

    Last year we spent Christmas together, as a family. Each of the girls birthdays, their dad came over first thing for a few hours. But I am very aware that children need consistency and also for their parents to be happy, for them to be happy.

    Our relationship ended due to unfaithfulness by my husband, whilst I don’t let this affect how we interact face to face for the relatively small amount of time we see each other, I’m not sure whether I can pretend to be best buddies over a prolonged period like the whole of Christmas day. Frankly, it makes me feel incredibly overwhelmed, it’s almost a tease of the life we could have had if I’d only been enough for him. I muddled through it last year, because it was still such early days, but now he wants to do it every year.

    I have a lot of concerns, but my main concern is ensuring we prioritise their happiness, but in turn, I don’t believe we should make ourselves unhappy in the process. I love those days with my children and spending it feeling awkward would taint it so much. My oldest us extremely sensitive and picks up on the slightest feelings. And it’s only going to get more complicated, not less, if either of us were to start a new relationship.

    It feels like there are no ideal options, so I’d really appreciate perhaps understanding what others find works for them so that we can make a balanced decision that works for us all as a separated family.

    Thank you in advance, if you managed to get to the end! 🙂

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