Christmas

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  • #63871 Report

    Andrew uk
    Participant

    Can I ask about Christmas arrangements and advice from people?

    Mine last year and this are as follows:

    Last year I had to go to see them by taxi. I had an hour with them. Not a good day but at least I saw them. I woke and cooked a big full English. Much-needed. Went for a walk in the local park. Then went to see the kids. To be honest I can’t remember what I ate for Christmas dinner etc. But all in all I had a nice day. I recall I watched tv.

    This year I am going to my mum’s. This will be the first and last year I won’t see the kids. Much as I love them, when it’s me and them I have to do all the childcare etc so this way I can eat and drink and relax.

    My son doesn’t yet know I’m not seeing him. Be ready for tears! He demanded I saw him last year.

    My court date in February is going to mean Christmas is in February this/next year.

    I am planning to be at mum’s again but with the kids in 2022.

    #63872 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    what I would recommend for special occassions like xmas, new years is you could ask for shared half days. some people like to alternate, so 1 year you have kids on xmas day, but next one you don’t have them on xmas day. could ask for arrangement like you pick up child night before xmas day, return to ex in afternoon.

    #63874 Report

    Andrew uk
    Participant

    Good idea.

    For Christmas, it is proposed that contact will alternate between dad and mum. The proposal is that the children will spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day morning and lunch with one parent. They will then be collected by the other parent on Christmas Day afternoon to spend the rest of Christmas Day and Boxing Day with them. This pattern will alternate year by year thereafter. This assumes that x are not away from home at Christmas, in which case alternative arrangements will need to be made.

    #63877 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    have to be careful, at times xmas holidays can be long as 3 weeks, if school opening late due to teachers training. some ex’s will look for holes in court order, to play games with you during holiday periods.

    #63879 Report

    Sassyvixster
    Participant

    My Christmas.  This year I see my 2 children who live with there father  unsupervised overnight eve til Christmas Day 12noon.
    currently waiting for next court hearing for my baby willow nearly 2 years her father didn’t return her home 9 weeks ago and the first court hearing I represented myself and lost even having. Unsupervised contact until cafcass is done with reports court is 19th January next year but the judge ordered supervised time Christmas Day but no one will supervise it on my family because there so busy and her dad is refusing even though he is supervisin GB at playgroup twice a week .   10 years ago I lost twin 1 Oliver due to delay in delivery and in 2016 paid out a large sum of money in 2018 I had my children removed and I didn’t do anything for 6 months his time round I’ve been here from day 1  little does willows dad know I have been here before but how he can still stop Saturday contact for 3 hours not willing to supervise it but supervise playgroup with his sisters makes no sense and is draining my ptsd amxiety and depression all in one sometimes I breath and think how am I supposed to breath when things you love are just taken    Even though I can pay 2 thousand pound by getting into debt I’m not eligible for work and because I haven’t been beaten I can’t get legal aid , my ex has always made me feel less of a parent that’s why we split when she was 8 months old but since that time all he has done is try take willow and make up lies and make me feel isolated because he lives with his mum 10 doors away , once the next court hearing has been and I know I’m not been judged all over again like 2018-2019 a part of my life I want to forget he is out to get me and it’s not about willow it’s about me. And until that judge sees he is not even sticking to the child arrangements order they will see it for what it really is   I miss her I miss feeding her and changing her and playing with her I miss our morning dances I miss watching her eat blueberries in her high chair I’m so sad I feel sometimes I cry so much I cry rivers i can’t even do what I love  with my voice and sing and make music I can’t eat or sleep I can’t wait to feel like a mum again because she is still down as living with me .

    Sassyvixster .x

    #63880 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    sorry to hear what your going through. some ex partners can be so cruel, and don’t realise they are also hurting the children. I hope the cafcass report is good and supports you to going back to having a normal, healthy relationship with your child.

    #63882 Report

    Sassyvixster
    Participant

    Thank you ,

    I see her in the morning first time in 9 weeks I would of had her 3 hours Saturday if my ex supervised it and stuck to the court arrangements although I’m still excited snd emtional about seeing her  , I’m still confused a judge can say something and my ex is still allowed to control contact even under an order

    #63934 Report

    Akay
    Participant

    So sorry to hear your situation. I grew up with separated parents, I lived in England for 5 years but my dad still stayed in Scotland, so we would do Christmas Day with my mum then my dad would pick us up Boxing Day, where we stayed until new year. When we moved back to our home town, only 5 mins away from my dad, we continued this arrangement, as it worked for us all. We had our own Christmas Day full of presents, dinner etc on Boxing Day with my dad, this way we would have plenty time together, no rushing or stress etc. I know it’s not ideal for all but was for us. Now I’m split from my 4 year old sons dad I found it hard to split the time fairly. The first few years, him and his family would visit Christmas morning, I allowed this as would never won’t to ruin my sons relationship with them. His dad took advantage of this as would show up act like super dad and make out he contributed towards half of presents, when infact I bought all them and he would say he’d help out but was always next pay day then next etc. It was only when he got new girlfriend he asked to do his own thing, although sad I’d need to let my son go on Christmas Day I was happy he was finally stepping up and buying his own gifts etc. He hasn’t always been great with visits, always inconsistent, lucky if he stays over 50 nights of the year, so I’m reluctant to let him get all special occasions aswell, my saying is he needs to deal with negative side of parenting not only the positive side. I would allow morning/evening time at his house Christmas Day, usually only agree to morning, then either Boxing Day or New Years dinner with him. His birthdays Hogmanay and I like bringing bells with my son so he’s happy with that so he can celebrate himself. This years a little different, as his family are having a huge get together for Christmas dinner, and have asked for him to join. I was initially reluctant, as a single mum I do everything with my son, so was genuinely upset that he won’t be with me, it’s kind of a strange feeling that I will be missing something, however I had to look at it from both sides. I couldn’t be the reason he missed out and all his family, young cousins will be there too so I know he will have a great time. My ex has actually been understanding and we have mutual agreement to allow it to work for both, I just hope it goes to plan. My parents are seperated so I do a dinner at each house over festive seasons so I will have him for Boxing Day and new year dinner and he will see him in between. It’s not ideal as lots of coming and going but Aslong as my sons happy so am I

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)

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