Child’s violent behaviour
4 January 2022 at 5:36 pm #64460
I’m having major problems with my 3 kids, they are 9 12, 17 and the 2 older ones use very violent behaviour. It’s mainly my 12 year old, he attacks his younger brother for no reason he attacks me, he winds his sister up so she starts being violent. He shows no remorse and he blames everyone else.
Police have been involved a number of times, especially when my son had knives to threaten us. This has been going on such a long time that I am struggling with my own mental health to the point where at the moment I don’t want to be here. I don’t know how to change anything I just got no strength at all to fight anymore4 January 2022 at 7:12 pm #64464
I’m sorry you are going through this.
What occurs to me which might help (and please forgive me if you know this already) is the work Family Lives has been doing on Child to Parent Violence. Their helpline is pretty good and here is one link to the info they have. Thinking of you. Ww.4 January 2022 at 7:57 pm #64469
I met a woman who had 4 children and her partner went off and left her . Her two older Children became out of control and violent towards themother . The police were involved. The violent children were assessed and it turns out they were autistic! It might not be the case for you but it’s worth contacting social services or GP for some sort of help .14 January 2022 at 7:37 pm #65014
Thank you WearyWarrior for the link. Although I am not in as bad a situation as Kazob79, but we have similarities.14 January 2022 at 8:12 pm #65017
My son has also been violent towards myself and younger son. It started at age 4 and he is now 9. He uses very aggressive language and destroys the home. I reached out to the school SENCO (Special Educational Needs Co Ordinator) and although they were not seeing this at school they had picked up on social and learning issues. He had an assessment and is now waiting to see the Paediatric Team as like another poster, they believe he is on the Autistic spectrum.14 January 2022 at 8:16 pm #65018
You will get support for you on Pegs on Facebook.
Newbold Hope also has lots of webinars and information. It is aimed at families with special educational needs, but strategies can help across the board.
NVR can be be helpful for some families Sarah Fisher has a Facebook community and has written a book.
You may also find the work of Ross Greene useful, he has written the explosive child.
The Respect Programme works with children over 10 years, and may run in your area. In some areas youth offending team or NSPCC also run courses.
Teaching emotional awareness, calming strategies for regulation can help.
You are not alone, this is not your fault, and child to parent violence is common.
Things can get better. I speak from experience.14 January 2022 at 8:41 pm #65019
I have a social worker involved, my son previously had youth offender worker working with him she stopped because my son wasn’t interacting.
I have done nvr it tends to work for my youngest but not for my 12 year old.
I am on pegs and Newbold hope pages. Pegs are the one service who has actually listened they been Brill.14 January 2022 at 9:14 pm #65021
Sorry, I know how hard this can be. Have you asked Pegs to advocate for you? Any referral to forensic CAHMs?
Can social worker access any respite for you? If your children are diagnosed you are more likely to access support, especially if you get an ECHP put in place. Diagnosis also allows you to ask for a carers assessment of need which can sometimes unlock support.14 January 2022 at 9:23 pm #65023
Pegs are doing everything they can, she sent emails to people today to try and get hold of people. We have got forensic camhs involved but nothing has been said about whats happening they got a meeting end of Jan.
Social say we don’t qualify for restbite even though I have 2 children diagnois3 and possible my son when I get someone to listen to me.14 January 2022 at 9:32 pm #65024
Definitely ask for a carers assessment of need .
Also check if there are any charities in your area that might help if you haven’t already.15 January 2022 at 8:09 am #65030
kazob79, where is the children’s father, is he not in their life?15 January 2022 at 8:10 am #65032
My daughter has nothing to do with her dad and the boys dad has one of then once a week after school as he can’t cope with both