Child’s surname and birth certificate issues

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  • #31241 Report

    Rainbow baby 2020


    I became pregnant after a one night stand.  It was a shock to me but I am really happy about becoming a mummy. I informed the father and he seemed to be ok with it however only if I was to have a relationship with him. I told him I did not feel that way about him, but would be happy to co parent our child together which he eventually accepted.

    I have recently found out that he is involved with crime and that he is heavily involved with alcohol too. When he came to meet me to discuss plans about our baby he was intoxicated. He tried to get me in his car but I refused due to him appearing unfit to drive. He became angry and since then I have refused to see him. I have encouraged him to seek support regarding his alcohol dependency and any other substances he may be using, and any crime he is involved with. He says he will get his life together for when our baby is born.

    Because of my concerns I have decided to give our baby my surname for legal reasons. He has demanded that I put our baby in his surname and because I will not has advised me that he is going to make my life difficult. I am now worried about putting him on the birth certificate as I do not know what he is capable of and it will give him legal rights to our baby.

    I would appreciate any advice in relation to the surname and birth certificate

    Thank you

    rainbow baby x

    #31245 Report



    It does sound as though you need to be careful. I’ve no real advice but these 2 organisations could help:

    National domestic violence helpline 0808 2000 247 – if he is threatening you these people can advise.

    ‘Rights of women 020 7251 6577 We are a women’s charity working in a number of ways to help women through the law. Our vital services aim to provide women with the legal advice and information they need to understand and use the law and their legal rights. ‘

    Hope this helps



    #31250 Report

    Rainbow baby 2020

    Hi Mark

    Thank you for taking the time to read my post and reply. I will seek advice from the 2 organisations that you have suggested as I need all the legal advice I can get.

    Appreciate your support 🙂



    #31262 Report

    Rainbow baby 2020

    Thank you Anonymous.

    I agree about keeping him off the BC as I have no idea how he will behave around the baby. If he is able to step up to the mark and commit to her for a reasonable period of time then I can always re-register her in the future with him on the BC.

    I had reported his behaviour to the police but he denied it and I had no evidence to support it, however it has been documented to build a case if necessary.

    Thanks again



    #31264 Report


    Definitely don’t put him on the birth certificate, and don’t use his surname.

    Also contact the police and ask if he poses a risk to either you or your baby. If he has convictions for violence, dv, drugs etc,you are entitled to know.


    #31268 Report


    I’d definitely recommend not placing him on the birth certificate for now. He will have completely equal rights and you will spend the whole time filled with worry for your new child.

    Log every incident with the police even though they may not be able to do anything about them at the time. It all helps if you ever have to go to court.

    In regards to the surname, even if he was on the BC, he doesn’t have a legal right to give your child his surname. I would put yours.

    My ex forced me to give our child his surname, though I wanted both and it took me over a year to convince him to let me add mine in.

    Hope things get better for you. X

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