Child’s father is attacking me for not naming him on birth certificate

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  • #42799 Report


    I have a seven week old baby. He was conceived after a two night stand. I told the father as soon as I found out I was pregnant and he cut off all contact, in effect leaving me to arrange the abortion alone.

    I decided to keep the baby and when I told the father he tried and failed to convince me to have an abortion and then disappeared again

    When lockdown started I left London moved back to my parents house. A month or so later the father got in touch saying he’d taken an overdose and woke up thinking about his son and wanting to be part of his life.

    I want my son to have a father so I did my best to build a good relationship with his dad through regular calls. I had a difficult birth and struggled to breastfeed and my son lost a lot of weight. But I felt his father prioritised his work over him. My son is seven weeks old and his father has not yet seen him, though he claims to be smitten with him and to want to be a good father.

    When it came to register the birth we talked and agreed to double barrel the surname so my son felt connected to both sides of his family. But I wouldn’t give him paternal rights because of his behaviour so far.

    I’ve tried to involve him in decisions on child care and when I called him tonight about choosing nurseries he told me to **** off and said what I did in not naming him on the birth certificate should have been illegal.

    Am I being unreasonable? And at what point do I give up and go through the CMS?

    #42805 Report


    YAnbu. In fact you couldn’t name your ex on the birth certificate if he wasn’t present at the time to sign. So it’s not your fault, and it’s certainly not illegal.

    It sounds like he suddenly wants to be less involved when the topic of childcare (and the costs) comes up.
    Why hasn’t he seen his child yet? New dads  in the UK get paternity leave. There is no reason why he couldn’t have seen his child (unless he’s posted to another country with his job).

    Stop delaying and put the CMS claim in now. Every week you delay is money denied to your child. I think you must accept that he will be an absentee dad. He tried to persuade you to terminate, he went awol, he has not bothered to visit his child, he didn’t show up to register the birth and now he’s abusing you and blaming you for his own failings.

    Sorry, it’s sad but better to accept it now.

    #42835 Report


    Hi , As kathy said without him being present you wouldn’t have been able to add him to the birth certificate. I’m sure there was a moment that you didn’t like having to register without the dads name (I know it hurt me)

    I would go through csa now he’s made his feelings clear by the looks and csa I found were very helpful.

    I really hope things improve for you x

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