Child’s behaviour when returning to other parent
17 October 2018 at 9:14 pm #16929
I have been having serious conflictions in my head for a while know and I would appreciate any advice given.
I have been separated from my 2yo daughters mother for over a year now. I work offshore so I work away for 2 weeks and I am home for 3 weeks. When we first broke up and for about half a year after I had my daughter for two weeks straight when I was at home. This changed to me having her for 10 days split up over the three weeks I am at home. We have a mutual agreement on the upbringing of our child, but this has came to a sticking point on the below.
Since we separated every time I have gone to hand my daughter back she has cried or has clung into me. Now she can speak and understands things better than a one year old, she asks all the time where we are going and as soon as her mums shoes or clothes come out she begins hysterically crying and constantly says ‘no, no, not going to mummy’s’. This is heart breaking for me, and for a while I thought it was either a phase or that because she dosent see me when I’m away she misses me. However the more people I speak to about it the more concerned I am getting. It has got to the point where if I even drive towards where her mother lives she gets worked up and upset.
Her attitude completely changes at any indication that she is going back to her mothers. This wouldn’t be so bad if her actions were the same when she comes to mine but they are not. She has never once hesitated in leaving her mothers to come to me.
What makes me more concerned is that even when any member of my family looks after her when i am working she will do the exact same thing. My ex will also text me often asking if I can FaceTime as my daughter is asking for me, or she will tell me that when she gives her a row my daughter will cry and ask for her daddy.
Now I don’t know if my ex is doing this to pull at my heart strings, but it is the most horrible feeling when you have to leave your child somewhere that they do not want to be. I would hope that there was no mistreatment by my ex however I honestly do not know. There are no signs of abuse and I can’t control how she treats her so I have put that to the back of my mind.
My confliction is that I have tried to raise this issue with my ex several times and she always try’s to turn it back on me. And no matter how many times I say it she can’t understand that I am only wanting what is best for my child. I honestly do not know what to do or how to solve this situation, if anyone has any adivce or hs been through something similar I would appreciate anything.
I am at the point of thinking about leaving my job, and finding one onshore to allow me to spend more time with my daughter, however comparing to a lot of other people I know I have my child for longer than most. This just adds to my concerns as to why my daughter acts the way she does.
Liam18 October 2018 at 10:42 am #16941
I would suggest seeking professional advice.
Your daughters behaviour could be this way for many reasons, and the worst thing you can do is jump to conclusions and start making things worse. At the same time, you need to be seen as doing everything you can to support your child, and be thinking about her best interests. If you haven’t already, I would log everything that happens including the way she acts too. This way, if anything does come of it, you can go back and show them exactly what happens and what you did to try and help your daughter.
Maybe some sort of mediation or counselling, where you and your ex can talk with a mutual party about your concerns.26 October 2018 at 2:17 pm #17226
Hi. My daughter is 17 months old and sees her father every other weekend. Now not exact same situation but every time he brings her back to me she cries for ages once he’s left. I started to get really upset over it as I thought it was maybe cos she prefers his company to mine but family have tried to reassure me and say that it’s just cos it’s a change for her and because she’s with me all the time she gets used to me whereas when she goes to her dad’s it’s like a novelty. Sorry as I’m not sure this helps ur situation but I know what it’s like to experience your child crying and it feeling as though I don’t want to be where they are. Hope that makes sense! Hope your situation improves also