Children’s stepfather is dangerous

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  • #8846 Report

    Woolly75
    Participant

    Hi

    Lookfimg for advice

    Have been split with my ex for 5 years – 2 great kids – one lives with me all the time and has not seen mother for 4 years due to her behaviour and drinking – youngest has 50/50 shared care with me and mother – court orders since 2014 in place

    Mother has repeatedly moved house with out telling me where and with whom – most recently she told me she was living in false address that when I googled found it to be a 1 bed flat – eventually she gave me the correct address when pressed by police

    Mother is living with new partner( and due to be married in summer)  and until September 2017 was with his kids as well – there was an incident when youngest returned to me and was visibly upset and wanted cuddles all the time – transpired that she had witnessed an incident when  soon to be step father got drunk with mother and friends and became violent and threw chairs at a restaurant – step father and his friend were punching people and the police were called – youngest tells me he was punching people when he was holding his 4 y/o – raised the concerns with mother via solicitors and mother said incident never happened

    I am fortunate enough to know of the step fathers ex – she said that he has admitted the incident happened and has since stopped her kids from seeing him because he is violent and drinks a lot – she has shown me the cafcass report and in the report it states that he should not see his kids unless supervised by another adult – it also states that he poses a moderate to serious risk of harm

    As my youngest still has 50/50 shared care I do not feel happy with youngest going back to mothers house with step father there and do not feel she is safe there given this report – it is noted in the cafcass report that both mother and step father drink a lot

    My question is – am I justified in taking my youngest away from this and should I contact social services my self regarding this – I am so worried and would never forgive myself if something were to happen

    thanks

    Rob

     

    #8848 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    Yes, absolutely. There will be an emergency 24 hour safeguarding line – phone them right now.

    #8849 Report

    Woolly75
    Participant

    Thank you – luckily youngest is with me right now and isn’t due to return to mother until Thursday but I am deeply concerned that she should not go back – I just can’t understand why a mother would want to be with this man when he cannot see his own children unless supervised and once a fortnight and he poses such a risk – was really hoping these battles had been finished

    #8850 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    I hope you have phoned them now?

    #8851 Report

    AJ
    Participant

    Woolly75, I am in the unfortunate position of being a single mother who has concerns about my ex’s new partner and working in a profession where I deal with an awful lot of domestic (often drink and drug induced) violence. I can only reiterate what the others have said. Don’t let your child anywhere near their mother and contact social services immediately with your concerns and reasoning behind your actions. Write down everything you know and what your child has told you. (Ideally note down dates and times aswell) Keep text messages and details of phone calls. If you don’t get a quick answer from social services, call them again tomorrow and the next day and the next until action is taken. In short, do what’s in the best interest of your child and evidence everything you can.

    #8852 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    AJ is bang on – please listen to them Wooly.

    #8853 Report

    Woolly75
    Participant

    Thanks both for the reply

    I have not phoned social services yet – mainly because I have only read the cafcass report this morning as stepfather’s ex sent me the report and I am still trying to digest it all – I have emailed my solicitor and we are due to have a call tomorrow to discuss the next steps – since the separation there has been very limited contact that has not been without solicitors – I have taken the decision to withhold my youngest from going back to the mother’s house until further notice – I’m just wondering if it would be seen as neglect on mother’s part for not leaving this man when he is so evidently abusive and dangerous ? His ex has reported numerous accounts of domestic violence and alcohol abuse to the cafcass officer and even his children have said to cafcass they are scared of him – no way my youngest is being involved with this any more

    I am just lucky that my eldest lives with me all the time and I know he is safe and thankfully my youngest is with me this weekend so I can make sure they are safe – I have spent £100,000s on legal expenses since the separation as the mother withheld youngest from me for 6 months because of her behaviour towards my eldest and not wanting to see mother – it was a horrible awful experience with social services and cafcass involved – s7 report was found to be based on mother’s point of view and failed to take in to consideration any facts and was thrown out and the Judge said the mother was spiteful – I just need to Be strong again for both kids

    Thanks

     

    Rob

    #8854 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    You don’t need you solicitor involved – that’s why it’s costing you money. Social Services will prevent access under the circumstances. If she wants to overturn that she’ll have to go to court at her expense, and currently there’s absolutely no way she’d ever get access. The best she could hope for is supervised access in a contact centre without the new man. And frankly if there’s any sign of her having taken drugs/alcohol, she won’t be allowed contact and this will go back to the court so she won’t ever have that as an option til she’s clean. Forget your solicitor, that’s just pouring money away. The social services will do all of this for you and it won’t cost a bean.

    #8855 Report

    Woolly75
    Participant

    Thank you

    I am unsure of drugs on mother’s behalf but am aware she can drink excessively and had throughout our relationship – I agree with her doing the work and it costing her – the reason it cost me so much was because I had to issue proceedings as mother withheld youngest and I wanted my little one back – I am not sure if mother would be so keen to fork out legal expenses to get youngest back – she has shown no interest in eldest and has made no attempt to see him in 4 years

    #8863 Report

    Poppy
    Member

    Hi there Woolly75,

    Thank you for your post and welcome to the Gingerbread community.

    It sounds like you’re going through a difficult time and we hear you. It’s really important that you feel supported and get the advice and help you need to make the right choices and keep you and your children safe and well. Just to let you know, we’ve sent you a quick email with some information, if it helps. Please continue to reach out and talk through this situation with others on our forum – I’m sure other parents will continue to share and help you through.

    Take care and best wishes,

    Poppy at Gingerbread

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