Children’s contact with abusive father

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  • #13915 Report

    clb82
    Participant

    Hello, I’m looking for some advice please.

    I have been separated from my ex for over three years.  We have 2 daughters together, 10 and 12.

    I have a child arrangement order, I am the resident parent and he is allowed to spend time with them.  The courts left it to us to sort contact privately as last year, he was cooperating.

    I have 2 older, adult children from my first marriage.

    My ex has the girls every other weekend, Friday to Sunday.  For the last few weeks, he has been returning the girls later than agreed, sometimes by 3 hours, which interferes with bedtime routines. He feeds them junk food all weekend and the are sometimes vomiting while at his- not because they are genuinely ill.

    I do worry about the girls when he has them as he was taken to crown court for 5 sexual offences against a minor but found not guilty on 3 and a hung jury on the other 2.

    He has made false allegations against me to the police for theft- I confiscated 12 year old tablet for behavioural issues. Ex bought the tablet for her primarily as a means to contact her whenever he liked, which I disagreed with from the start.

    He has reported me to social services for child neglect- ss found these allegations not to be true.

    He also reported me for contact issues, which ss did not peruse.

    He made a rival claim for the child benefit.  It was suspended and then returned to me.  He has now appealed that sonitbis suspended again. He has also put a rival claim in for my tax credits.

    He has kicked my front door and called me various disgusting names, swore at me and tries to intimidate me.

    When the girls come home from contact visits, they are sometimes hostile, argumentative and critical of me.  All this started shortly after my relationship with my boyfriend became common knowledge.

    This is all affecting the girls and me and would I be justified in getting the child arrangement order changed to reduce contact or change contact to supervised only? I feel that any contact the girls have with him is not benefitting them at all right now but is actually harming them emotionally.

    Thanks for reading, sorry it’s so long!

    #13917 Report

    Schubert
    Participant

    Hi there.

    Yes you are totally justified to apply for changes to be made.

    I’ve been through a very challenging Children’s Hearing against an abusive and controlling ex. Please pm me if I can help

    #13928 Report

    Poppy
    Member

    Hi there Snickersinatwist,

    Thank you for your post and welcome to the Gingerbread community.

    We’re sorry to hear that you’re going through such a difficult time and you’re right to be concerned for your children. It’s so important that you reach out for help, support and advice for your situation and take steps to keep you and your children safe. Just to let you know, we’ve sent you an email with information on places you can turn to – please check your inbox.

    We hope that other parents on here can continue to chat with you and offer support. Take care and please continue to use the forum.

    If anyone else reading this is affected by these things, you can refer to our online information on domestic violence and if you’re worried about your children during contact with your ex.

    Poppy at Gingerbread

    #14127 Report

    Sharont
    Participant

    Hi there.  Your situation sound’s hideous. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

    I dont know where you are situated but are there any women’s refuges there? They should be able to help you with a solicitor and sound advice.  Plus, their help will back up your statements in court.  You need ‘footprints’ or evidence for your case. Document everything and call the police when he threatens or attacks or when your children come home ill. It will all strengthen  your case in the end. Good luck.

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