Children not wanting to stay overnight

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  • #48554 Report


    I have been separated for 18 months from a psychologically abusive ex. He is pushing for my 2 children aged 11 and 10 to have regular overnight stays. My 11 year old suffers from anxiety due to his dads behaviour and both can only bear to be with him for 3 hours a week. My ex is manipulative, a social worker and come across well to others, but is very narcissistic and practices coercive control on myself and the children. Basically the children do not want to spend any more time with him and certainly not overnight.

    I am frustrated at the moment because I am being told different things by my solicitor, safeguarding and domestic abuse support systems of the implications of refusing overnight stays. My ex will probably take me to court and from stories I have heard I do not have a lot of faith as a woman in  family court system.

    Has anyone had any similar experiences?


    #48561 Report



    if he went to court, court social workers would take your kids views into consideration, maybe not as much as if they were 12 and older. but the kids views would play a big part in what court decides. naturally they would like to see you encourage the kids to have contact with their dad. you could leave things as they are and wait for their dad to apply to court if you like. is there a risk he might keep kids with him against their will?

    #48563 Report


    If he goes to family court he is surely going to get contact. Hes a social worker who will be speaking to cafcass. Theres going to be no safeguarding concerns and contact will be ordered. Surprised he hasnt gone through court proceedings already to sort this out .

    #48577 Report



    There are safeguarding concerns and my children as under safeguarding at the moment. Just because he is a social worker does not make him immune to abuse. He visits sex workers and shows my son porn on his phone, holds them against their will to return home, manipulates them and taunts them. He is an abuser.

    Thank you Steve, it is reassuring to know that the courts will take into account the childrens view and they are not far off being 12 years old. I just have no experience of family courts. I am not sure if he will take us to court as he knows all the abuse will come out, it is detailed in the divorce proceedings anyway.

    #48578 Report


    Also, he does have regular contact which I encourage which is very difficult when your children are anxious and distraught at spending time with him

    #48846 Report


    Hi , just wondering if you have any records of such incidents. How did you know he is doing that. I assume courts are interested in facts. Have you spoken to the school about this? Unless there is a safeguarding concern recorded then think of how are you going to prove that? Notes, dates, KIDS phone access. Anything that will support your claim and concerns.

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