Hoping people can help. I split with my husband 18 months ago. We had a great relationship up until recently. When he got his home in March this year he would have the kids for 1 night and day every weekend. The kids had their own rooms and it worked great. However 4 weeks ago whilst my children were with him my 16 year old caught him using substances. My son left the house and luckily my 12 yr old dtr was with friends. He has sent all sorts of messages to me apologising, stating MH issues, etc etc etc, which I don’t doubt. However I am convinced, at the moment for the very least he is not able to appropriately look after the children. All contact has stopped, my children have decided that they want nothing to do with their father and have blocked his number from their phones. He is not attempting contact atm, agreeing that he needs to sort himself out. My concern is that at some point very soon he will want to see the kids again, but they are absolutely adamant they want nothing to do with him ever again. My children are incredibly mature for their ages and know their own minds. I have not swayed their decision at all but completely support it. I don’t want them spending time with him and they don’t want to. Where do we stand on this?
Its best to encourage children to have contact with their father. He has apologized and has backed off during a very difficult time of year.
If there was no access then it would i assume go to family court , 16 year son would decide himself if he does or doesnt want to see his dad and your 12 year old daughter would have her wishes and feelings considered. Your ex partner may not want to go to family court though so that would then leave things as they are now. Hopefully things calm down
I hope the dust settles but until then, I completely disagree with encouraging them to go, they are old enough to make there own minds up and forcing the issue is going to alienate them. Being supportive of there opinions and trusting there judgment, will let them figure it out for themselves. This is a case of substance abuse and they need to feel safe and trust there dad again, it will take time.
I think you can encourage your children to check on him once in a while via phone, just to see how he’s doing. You too can check on him.
His kids blocking him can make him even sadder, leading to more substance abuse. You all have every right to stay away from him for your own safety, but I believe he needs your support and encouragement to get better.