Children don't want to see Dad due to new partner
8 December 2018 at 6:28 pm #18518
My ex and I split after a 20 year relationship. 1 week after leaving he blocked all communication and abandoned his boys age 9 and 13 for 6 weeks with occasional phone contact. Communication is difficult now as he will only communicate by text. He has excused himself of any parental responsibilities, I.e school, health etch and does not ask anything about their welfare. Whenever we seem to improve communication I get a text or email that is aggressive which seeks to undermine progress. It appears that it is dictated by his new partner. His New partner m9ved her husband out and within a week had my ex in her bed and she has a 4 year old son. Neither of them seem to understand the impact of separation or him moving in with a new family on the children. He has not established a pattern of contact with my boys and she insists on texting and calling him whilst he is with them which upsets my boys. He is now realising that seeing them is proving difficult unless he introduces her to them They have both point blank refuses to meet her and he threatened to take my 9 year old to his house and keep him there whilst I took my child to A&E, rather than him take him and I look after my child. This scared both children and my oldest has refused to see him and my youngest will only see him if he is with Grandma as they do not want to meet his new family it is less than 12 weeks since he left and abandoned them, has had about 5 contact sessions, only 1 for a full day. He wants to see them in the week but cannot provide a fixed day due to shifts which is fine. He is also dictating that he sees them on a Saturday which is not suitable for me due to a number of other commitments. He cannot provide a reason why he cannot see them on a Sunday but I suspect his partners son goes to his Dafs on a Sunday. I have left the offer of Sunday’s open which fits in with the boys routine. Both boys have been affected quite badly and I have asked my ex to discuss their behaviour but he will only do it in email. He seems to be being controlled by his new partner and he says he wants overnight access on a Friday, all day Saturday and a night in the week. This doesn’t fit with our s heckle and the boys do not want to stay over with him or meet his new partner. His New partner phoned me and threatened court and that she would guarantee she will see my children whether I like it or not. She was vile in her phone call. That aside I am trying to support my boys emotionally. They have been through a trauma and he cannot even manage regular phone contact or to see them without being disturbed by his new partner. I have never stopped access, and have now arranged for a 3rd party to make arrangements through but he is just refusing Sundays with no explanation but expects me to explain why he cannot see them on a Saturday. I want him to rebuild his fractured relationship with his boys before they have to share him with a new partner who I have concerns about. His relationship is not established and a solicitor told me that no court would make the boys see her a d would take their wishes into account due to their age. He now wants to go to mediation but all I can go with is what the boys want and that he can have them on a Saturday and during the week. He doesn’t even have room for them to stay overnight but despite this the boys just refuse to get to know her because their hurt seems to come from him moving in with her and cheating rather than the separation. I have evidence of all the offers of trying to resolve things. I am told by her ex that she was nasty to his other children and that I will have problems when He wants to see his children. He told me she controlled his friends, read his phone and didn’t l8ke him being away from her. I am concerned the same is happening with my ex. In less than 3 months she has finalised her divorce. I need advice on whether I am right to go at the pace of my boys and support them with their wishes but feel scared that my ex is being forced into encouraging contact with her no matter what my boys want. Can anyone advise?17 October 2020 at 1:22 pm #44879
I have just read your post and realised it was a year ago. I am in a very similar situation except my partner left with my best firend and moved in with her and her children. My girls are 7 and 11 and do not want to stay over with, my ex at her house. Particularly as he only moved out 10weeks ago and has seen them once and not called or contacted them. Her children were calling my ex daddy when they stayed here during lockdown before i realised that they were even together under my nose.Would you be able to let me know how you have managed to get on. Thank you x20 October 2020 at 11:18 pm #44954
I’m sorry to hear that you’re having such a horrid time.
I went through an acrimonious split with my ex and like you fought to protect my kids.
Re the access, you’re being extremely reasonable. Your ex’s inability to compromise will go against him.
You mentioned mediation. This can be really useful and of course your ex will need proof that mediation has failed should he then proceed to issue a C100 against you, commencing court proceedings. He will be liable to pay the cost for the C100.There is a cost for mediation which you can insist he pays.
Re his new partner, she has no parental responsibility towards your children. Can I suggest that any contact you have with her is put in writing, so then you have a paper trail? This will be useful for mediation/court. To ease stress it might be useful to have written contact with your ex as well.
How much telephone contact does your ex have with the children? With regards to your proposed contact schedule, is there anything in writing? If not send an email and await his response. He needs to be seen to being unreasonable.
Yes you’re right, Cafcass will take into consideration your children’s wishes as they are old enough to express what they want.The Cafcass officer will interview you as well (usually by phone)
The courts will only be interested in the welfare of the children.
You’re in a very strong position. Keep everything documented and if you ever want to chat, I’m here