Child won't go
22 June 2019 at 9:45 pm #26782
Hi just needing advice in regards to my child. She has started not wanting to go see her father by crying and holding on.
Obviously I can’t grab her and make her go and no one can as that’s asult.
She’s not even 4 yet but I’m wondering what would happen if this was taking to court. I take her and she just crys. She doesn’t have enough words to ask why she doesn’t want to go.22 June 2019 at 11:55 pm #26784
As you say she can’t be forced and she shouldn’t be.
Have you told her father?
P23 June 2019 at 7:51 am #26785
I’m afraid I’m going to disagree here.
As parents children don’t always want to do what we deem best and having a relationship and contact with the other parent assuming no safeguarding issue is in the UK deemed best for the child.
At 3, you insist she has a bath, goes to nursery, eats vegetables, sits in a carseat etc and the same for contact with her father .
You reassure and lighten the mood but you don’t just concede in the same way you wouldn’t for the above.
If you’re reluctant to be seen as the “bad guy” or if actually this suits your own personal agenda re the father, let the father collect the child out of the car seat or house.
What would a court say? The above and that it’s your responsibility to make her available if no safeguarding issues. And probably would argue that MORE contact would increase familiarity and reduce her distress!23 June 2019 at 11:18 am #26789
Just wondering, is this the Court’s view – till the child is 18? Or, after a certain age, the opinion of the children is taken into consideration by the family court?23 June 2019 at 12:57 pm #26796
The court generally hear more of the children’s voices after 10-12. Occasionally you hear of children of eight being “heard” though often that is due to there being older siblings.
For then average child, which parent wouldn’t think it’s in their best interests to have a positive relationship with the other parent. And it’s from that premise that decisions need to be made. Not from the premise of what would make the other parent feel better etc.
Ultimately, one has to remember that tables can turn so easily and would we want the other parent to encourage contact with us if in the future the child said They don’t want to visit us?28 June 2019 at 11:43 am #27028
I have heard recently a new law is been brought in where the child can speak at the age of 5.
See I always believed that but then again what am I to do. I did tell the father but he blames me
See I don’t want the father near my property and there is no law stating a stranger is allowed near your property.
All that can be done is if the child is asked why she doesn’t want to go when she is older28 June 2019 at 1:47 pm #27030
I would personally try to get in the fathers shoes. How do you think he feels about that and if it was you your child didnt want to see what would you want the father to do.
Perhaps meet somewhere all together or at a grandmothers place and encourage dialogue? Or maybe insist the child goes for 1 hour lets see and see how she gets on ?
I find it best when I try to get into my partners shoes when it comes to our child. If my son didnt like me at any period of time i will definitely want the father to be on my team
Good luck x28 June 2019 at 2:56 pm #27033
Thanks for this. That’s not a bad idea. I will try something like this and hopefully things improve
Thanks4 July 2019 at 12:51 am #27219
I’m new to this site and I’m having an issue with my child not wanting to go too. Sorry for posting on your post.
My child is 7 and hates going. When a visit is brought up he tells me he doesn’t want to go and doesn’t see why he has too. He cries when hes going.
My son has spoken to school and told tbe teachers he doesn’t want to go with him. When they do family topics my son has never once wrote that he has a father. The school have shown me all his work.
Hes even said that he doesn’t like him.
It was court ordered to have more visits, but the father changed it and it works out less visit over the year.
I’m feeling so lost. My heart breaks every time he cries, I feel so helpless.
Thanks4 July 2019 at 2:07 am #27221
So my daughter never wants to go to her mothers house. I have never forced her and never will. I’ve asked why and she just says I don’t want too.
I think she blames her mother for the break up of the marriage. I maybe wrong but what else could it be?
I mentioned this to our social worker ( they were heavily involved when the kids lived with their mother for almost two years) However no more😁 and even she said I cannot force my daughter to go.
If the school know about his feelings you could approach them and they would have a duty to inform the necessary agencies who would help you.
I know that a lot of people would not even mention social services but believe you me they are fantastic and open a lot of doors which will benefit you and your child.
Two of my kids were seriously messed up to the point they wouldn’t go to school.But it was through the help of social services and other agencies that they are now back on track.
P4 July 2019 at 11:47 am #27231
In the end, most kids look back on childhood and wish they had something positive with each of their parents.
Could you not meet at a soft play or take your little one to meet her dad for an hour at Maccy D’s. Just something to maintain a bit of contact and try to leave them with some positive memories.
I struggle with my ex but my ds is definitely happier having seen him for a few hours a week. Even if it’s just so ds doesn’t feel ignored.4 July 2019 at 1:03 pm #27234
I think as she’s only so young still you should keep trying to encourage her to spend time with her father, she’s probably very attached to you and it must be so difficult seeing her get upset, but it will serve in her best interests to build a bond with her a father – its another person in her life that will always be there for her after all! I know its going to be hard but just keep trying to reassure her5 July 2019 at 12:20 am #27303
It is awful hearing a child cry especially when you know they don’t want to go but don’t know why.
I’m so glad you told me this. I do hope over time this will stop and she wants to go see her father. But I’m glad social services helped you and maybe I can take this route if needs be in the future.
I tried talking to the father about changing location or less time due to the child been upset but he would not agree. All I can do is send the child until she can speak and if she is still upset when she can speak try to get to the bottom of it.