Child sleep regression after Mummy’s death

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  • #35035 Report

    IanL
    Participant

    Hi all, I’m a newly widowed dad after my wife died suddenly before Christmas. I’m left with a 3 year old daughter and 3 month old son. I know it’s very early days and there’s lots of processing happening but my 3 year old has got a lot worse at nighttime. It’s now taking me an hour to get her to sleep and she wakes 2/3 times in the night and as I type this I’ve been going in and out her room for the last hour and a half. I’m becoming increasingly frustrated but I’m torn between giving her the comfort she obviously needs and not allowing her to take the mickey. We had to do the crying out technique when we were teaching her to sleep in her own bed and that seemed to work and I’m at a loss what to do. Has anyone had similar experiences?

    #35036 Report

    Sherinam
    Participant

    So sorry for your loss but your child is missing her mother. I would suggest letting her sleep in your room as this worked for my male friend who lost his wife suddenly. He did this until they were ready to go back to their own room.

    My daughter always finds herself back in my room and she is nearly6 years old. Cultures are different and I left my parents really room for my own bed when I was 5;years old.

    Is your little at nursery or go to child minder? Lots of activities during the day wears them out. Am sorry I am not being helpful but your child is only little.

    #35037 Report

    mstime
    Participant

    Hi Ian

    Sorry to hear of your loss. You are greiving too and it must be so hard for you all. My children lost their mum in November so i can emphasise with your difficulties. My children are 12, 6 and 4.  The 6 and 4 year old have been sleeping in my bed with me. That seems to have helped them. However they will be going into their own beds one day and my fear is that they wont want to. Thats a bridge i shall have to cross when the time comes . They wake in the night but they see instantly that im there with them .  I can understand your reluctance to take this route as i could be setting myself up for problems further down the line. My 12 year old has had many issues sinse her mum passed away. Including today where she has refused point blank to go to school. My fault really as she wanted me to cut her hair(her mum used to cut it) and it seems ive messed it up. Anyway good luck buddy at least the children know how much you love them and that your there for them.   Take care…Mark

    #35050 Report

    CarolWales
    Participant

    So very sorry for your loss. I second the suggestions above, let your little one share your bed until she is ready to sleep by herself again, it will be a great source of comfort to her.

    Best of luck.

    #37771 Report

    San77
    Participant

    I lost my husband to cancer, but when he was alive and the nipper was 3 she still cried at nighttime. Its a combination of knowing it gets to you, and that your child needs to know where you are and how to get to you at all times (since losing mum). Suggest sleeping in the same room until it settles, although my departed husband would say its a wound that needs to heal and they should sleep in their own bed, just tighten up those boundaries. Depends on your own wellbeing quite frankly. If youre okay with sharing a room temporarily then no bother, if you need the down time then impose the house rules.

    Condolences. Strength and courage to you.

    #37772 Report

    San77
    Participant

    ps I lost my husband last month. Im going through a “depression” stage which is exhausting. I have a 4.9 year old daughter and live in NW London. What can you do, with responsibilities and pressure increasing exponentially we have to keep going at it. I’m told the time flies by and then they’re teenagers! Hard to raise kids with or without a partner but Id love to keep in touch

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