Child never met Dad yet

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  • #42721 Report

    AlannahNar
    Participant

    Hi! 🙂

    I would love opinions and advice.

    My daughter is 3 and never met her father and even I have only met him on three occasions.

    He by choice does not want to be part of our lives. This I am ok with. Though my daughter even now is interested to meet him.

    I have his contact info and he doesn’t live far but we have terrible communication and he’s ignorant.

    My question is what possibly is the acceptable age of child when you help them try to connect with parent? In our case, my opinion is we will not be successful with getting himself on board. I don’t
    want to contact him too early and ‘mess up’ and scare off an opportunity that maybe he can deal with better as he gets older.

    And personally I believe it would be better to try and fail then to not have tried to reconnect at all. Ultimately it is his right not to be involved but if my child wishes to see him, I may push it.

    Does anyone have a similar experience or good idea? Thank you, appreciate it 🙂

    #42729 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Your daughter’s father has shown no interest in having a relationship with you or your daughter. But, as you say, it is useful to keep the door open.

    Also, you might not want this man, who you know very little about, in your daughter’s life. He might be horrible. Be careful what you wish for.

    In your circumstances, I think I’d send him an email on daughter’s birthday and/or at Xmas each year with a short note – daughter started school, can ride a bike, has learnt to swim etc – and maybe a photo.

    Leave it at that. Don’t chase, don’t expect a reply. When your daughter asks, you could say ‘daddy’s name is Fred, he has brown eyes and likes cycling, but he didn’t enjoy being a daddy so that’s why we don’t live with him.’

    That gives her enough to tell her little classmates, because they will ask. It’s true and it gives her something to imagine.

    I’d leave trying to build a connection between them until her teens or later. She needs to be old enough to deal with rejection and that’s very tough. ☹️

    #42766 Report

    Liane
    Participant

    Unless he wants contact your approaching him.

    You can go through the courts with a parental arrangement or contact order or you can have a mutual agreement.

    If his not intrested after you or a advocate contact him then you daughter would have to be a teenager and able to make decisions for herself.

    The citizens advice bureau would give free advice or most solicitors firms who practice family law may offer a free consultation.

     

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