Child Maintenance breakdown cost Help – Newly Separated.

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  • #41766 Report

    Yogamumma
    Participant

    Hi! I am currently in the middle of sorting out my separation agreement with my soon to be ex-husband.  He works abroad so does not want to go down the csa route for child maintenance, however is happy to pay it.  However there is a catch.  he won’t take the percentage of income calculator as a number to contribute.  He wants me to list exactly what the kids cost per month and then come to a decision on a ‘fair amount’.  It is just very typical of how he works and to be honest and in the interest of keeping things amicable i would rather just do it this way  however i am really struggling to write a specific ‘breakdown’.  Can anyone guide me of what they kids costs months? I have 2 toddlers.  They are 2&3 years old.  Ive tried searching breakdowns on the internet and not coming up with any.  Ive not had to look at it before and i know i will going forward and i am budgeting for the future.  My concern is ill under estimate what they cost and he will think he can pay very little.  Any help would be much appreciated as after being in a controlling relationship (financially) amongst other things for 10 years has meant right now i am feeling a little overwhelmed with all i am trying to sort out.  I am a SAHM so not had an income for a few years or seen our finances (not because i didn’t want to – wasn’t allowed)

    Q: BREAKDOWN costs per month – per child??????

    N.B my ex husband earns very well (this is partyly why i am annoyed he is making me do such a detailed breakdown when it would be so much simpler right now to use the government guidelines).

     

    p.s my first post – please be kind 🙂 xxxxx

    #41770 Report

    Jsmoove
    Participant

    Sorry to say this there is no fair amount,he is doing wat he wants to do,don’t sell yourself short,your kids are entitled to 16% of his weekly wage,your kids are still babies,so what you have to look at is clothes,Food,nappies and all the basic stuff,and sooner or later u may want to work,then childcare comes into play,his doing this to pay you less remember that,u can’t do a breakdown of it cos it changes everyday

    #41777 Report

    Yogamumma
    Participant

    thank you so much for taking the time to reply!Jsmoove! i completely agree but don’t know a way round it as his salary will be abroad there is no way or proving what he earns and as he has been financially abusive (not that he thinks he has at all:( ) getting him to agree a percentage is just ridiculous and as i don’t want to end up fighting every single time i see him as i am sick of fighting (hence the divorce) i don’t know how to force the issue.  thank you for your suggestions above – i will start there! x

    #41803 Report

    Lab7878
    Participant

    Hi, first if you divorcing you need to request a marriage allowance, which he would have to pay until your children reach 18yrs.

    As child maintenance, I would recommend CMS, don’t worry about him not being honest, CMS will investigate him.

    I’ve been though this, and they discovered my ex lied about his earnings, it was actually 39,000 short if what he declared, he currently being taken back to court for non payment, where he will lose his passport and driver’s license.

    Put you and your children first, because I promise you, he won’t do it.

    #41808 Report

    PJC76
    Participant

    Lab7878 “<span style=”color: #1a1919; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;”>Put you and your children first, because I promise you, he won’t do it”, this is a very harsh prediction about a person you bhave never even met! My goodness!</span>

    Yogamumma, just tell him that he needs to pay the percentage as that is the way it would be done if it went through CSA. There’s no reason you should be having to itemise things when you’re entitled to a percentage in order to look after your and his kids.

    #41826 Report

    Lab7878
    Participant

    Apologies Yogamumma to have to write this on your post, but it’s necessary, when others abuse posts.

    PJC76 “My statement was not a prediction, nor harsh that’s your assume. The author of this post asked; <span style=”background-color: #fbfbfb; color: #1a1919; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;”>Any help would be much appreciated as after being in a controlling relationship (financially) amongst other things for 10 years. A controlling relationship, financially, means this person has a controlling personality the author asked for help”</span>

    If you find what I said inappropriate then please feel free to report it, than use this chat forum to be directly nasty to me. <span style=”text-align: right;”>We’re all here to assist and support others.</span>

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