Child maintenance and house

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  • #52105 Report


    Hi all, as previous post my wife of 10 years was having affairs and when I found out kicked me out our family home.

    The only place I could find to live is a air bnb which unfortunately our kids can’t stay overnight in.

    So I am renting, my wife is in our family home which is jointly ours( no mortgage), she is demanding I pay her child maintenance, I have the kids 3/4 evenings for dinner after school and they sleep with me at my parents once a weekend.

    If I had my way I would have the kids every day and when I get my house I will demand  a 50/50 time split with the kids.

    Should  i pay her maintenance?, she is living rent free in half my house which would rent out at circa 2K per month , its her fault I am out the house.

    Surely it should not be me taking all the blows here, paying not to have my children is a bit like paying to be kicked in the balls!

    #52141 Report

    Hi DPS80

    I’m Michelle one of the Moderators here in the forum.  Whilst this may not answer your questions specifically, there is some information here within the Gingerbread site that provides details about maintenance.  It might be useful to have a fuller understanding of how maintenance works and how that may apply to your circumstances.

    Child maintenance – Gingerbread

    There’s also some info about housing and housing rights via the following links:

    Housing – Gingerbread

    Your housing rights when you separate – Gingerbread

    I hope that helps a bit

    Kind regards


    #52149 Report



    if you consider her to be the primary carer of kids, then I think you should pay maintenance, private arrangement if possible. if you went through courts and she got order to state that kids live with her, then you would have to pay maintenance if she contacts Child Maintenance service.

    #52152 Report


    So unfair.If she’s the one who’s behaved badly and then kicked you out as well,why on earth should you have to pay Her?

    Gosh makes no sense.She should be paying You for damages/compensation/reparations/all three/whatever!!

    #52158 Report


    Does your stbex-wife work?  Have you spoken to solicitor etc about a divorce and division of marital assets? By the sounds of things you both getting the money from the house split between you to buy somewhere separately so you can both have the kids 50/50 is best scenario for you.  And make sure it’s a clean break divorce.

    Unfortunately the fact she has cheated and kicked you out isn’t a big factor. Despite the fact she broke a contract – your marriage- there are no penalties.  The courts will only care about are you Caring for your kids financially.


    As said previously if you go on the maintenance calculator it will give you an idea of what the gov says you should pay..look at it as not payment for your wife but for your kids. Write her something by email saying it is an interim arrangement until custody is sorted ( ideally get a good solicitor and speak to them. Expensive but worth it). Also look at eg joint savings accounts she may be spending and keep a copy of everything.

    Lastly I would recommend searching for chump lady blog. It’s a website that has lots of snark and even more good ideas about how to protect yourself in situations like yours – as well as support from fellow chumps ( people who have been cheated on)

    It will get better in the long run.


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