Child maintenance

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  SOLOMUMMY 3 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #23293 Report

    Mummybunny87
    Participant

    Well truthfully j consider myself fortunate in some respects.

    I have 4 children my youngest is the reason I am here .

    She has numerous health conditions that drastically decrease her life expectancy and her quality of life .

    When I first gave birth her father and I agreed we would pay half for everything. This however changed when I got into a new relationship, he cut off the phone contract that he provided so he could always contact me and facetime her, he stopped paying towards clothes and nappies.

    I still got a healthy amount of £50 a week but that doesn’t go far when you have a 3 year old who has epilepsy and is blind .she eats a substantial amount and it all has to be organic.

    Due to sensitive skin even bath and laundry products cost her an extortionate amount. I find £50 just about covers her food most weeks.

    He doesn’t visit his child and has never done any personal care for our child and I am lucky to get him to pick her up and drop her off at nursery one day a week .

    The 20 minute drive there and back is the only time he has his daughter in his care.

    My new relationship broke down after a year because my partner came out as gay, we remain friends however and sadly my daughter’s father has reported me to social services for having a gay boyfriend and not sending my child to nursery after he came back and told me they wasn’t handling her properly .

    Social services have said no further action will be taken all is well from their perspective but what do I do about the father of my child?

    All I have ever done is try to get him to be a father!

    He causes endless drama and is only happy when he doesn’t have to see her or help her financially .

    Thank you if you managed to decipher my emotionally charged ramblings .

    #23298 Report

    Sue
    Moderator

    Hi Mummybunny87

    This online community can be a great way of making connections with other parents and I’m sure the parents on here will be happy to share their experiences and offer support to you. You can also contact the free Gingerbread helpline on 0808 802 0925 to speak to one of our advisers about child maintenance and other financial help you may be entitled to.

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 1 week ago by  Sue.
    #23370 Report

    SOLOMUMMY
    Participant
    • Are you claiming dla for daughter? Then also carers allowance if you don’t earn more than£120 a week?
    • Do you work  and your daughter go to nursery?
    • If you are not working,  are you claiming no hospital travel costs? The food and vegetables voucher until she is four?
    • Have you checked with the cms calculator that the payments you receive are at least this minimum? Is the father of your youngest the same as the elderly children?

    Your shopping bill for your daughter alone sounds excessive imo. Do meal plan to reduce waste and bulk cook to reduce costs?

    I cannot imagine that eating only organic has been suggested by medical professionals,  so though an ideal I think either you need to cut costs here like for example being frozen organic veg and feeding the rest of you non organic.  Or accepting it’s a life choice you’ve made that will add substantially to your grocery bill. Either way meal planning and only buying what you need in combination with using a comparison website will reduce your costs, encouraging you to only  buy certain products when on offer.

     

    With regards to your ex being more involved.  You cannot make a parent be more involved.  And ultimately as long as you can show you’ve fueled more contact in say emails, then that’s all you can do.

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