Child custody Separating siblings

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  • #6940 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    Ill try to keep this brief. 18months ago I separated from my ex partner of 16years. We have 3 children, all same father. The separation isn’t amicable, I gained an occupation order via the courts and he moved back to his childhood town 80 miles ago after eviction. The children remained with me though we agreed through mediation contact alternate weekends, plus 50% of school holidays. Initially he tried to encourage the youngest to live with him which wasn’t successful. He regularly says negative things about me to the children. The eldest also wouldn’t entertain the idea. I support regular contact including telephone contact at least 2/3times weekly. This evening via tel contact I heard him encouraging our daughter (11yo) to go and live with him promising an Xbox in her bedroom, whatever she wants. He recently gave her an iphone6. He encouraged her to tell me she wants to move with him but told her to record the conversation with me on her mobile phone, she asked why should she do this, his reply was so you can show me when I see you. The reason we are not amicable is that he twinned our mobile phones 5months after our separation as couldn’t come to terms with the relationship ending. He intercepted all messages and ?tracked me through GPS without my knowledge.  Although I would not willingly support the decision for my daughter to leave our home, I wondered what the reality of the situation is? I am pretty strict regarding internet access/education etc but I do have fun with the kids too. I think she believes a life with dad would be much easier. Appreciate your thoughts

    #6948 Report

    Saysay1
    Participant

    This sounds awful. I hope he realises how wrong hes being soon. He should not be saying any negative about you to your kids. He shouldn’t paint you in a bad picture at all no matter what happened between you too, as it could mess up your kids in the long term, and effect their mental/ emotional help. If you have evidence of him doing this with your children, I would try to go back to court or mediation again, or at least seek some type of legal advice.

    #6951 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    I’ve recently had the mediation company invite him again to discuss financial stuff, and he’s declined to attend. There’s a huge history to this case but I’ve had police involvement and contacted social services myself (in order to protect our children) so they have records of ‘daddy says mummy…..’, Straight from the children’s mouths. I don’t think he’ll ever wake up and realise what he’s doing. But I worry that my daughter will fall for his promises. I don’t want the kids separated as they do so much together as a group and as a mum it makes me feels extremely proud. I don’t want to have to explain to my 11yo girl that her daddy hit mummy, that he cheated, that he emptied the bank account and didn’t pay towards the bills or children. I don’t feel kids need to hear that, it’s over and passed for me. she saw her dad assault her brother (reported to the police) and it frightened her, but he told her it was my sons fault, he blames everyone else every time

    #7080 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    Just wanted to say thanks to the guys that responded, the situation was quick to evolve. Apparently dad has already approached/viewed a school and there was a plan to not return our daughter after contact this weekend, all without me knowing. I feel such a fool. As a result I was in court today and was granted a prohibited steps order for all of the children, next hearing scheduled in 3weeks. I don’t feel happiness, only sadness. I don’t understand why it has come to this, I only hope one day that I will look at my ex partner of 16 years and feel something other than ‘you are a man I don’t know’ 😞

    #7095 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    Thanks Anonymous, generally Im strong but seeing my children upset I struggle with. I know they love their dad and I wouldn’t want it any other way, but it’s just so wrong what he’s done. He told her I wouldn’t allow her to go whilst encouraging her to tell me she’s going, so she’s blaming me for not letting her go! How do I get out of that one?

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