Child Contact with father

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  • #33081 Report


    Hi.  Have any mothers on here been taken to court by childs father for stopping access?

    I have a 2 year old and her dad has only really bothered with her for the last 10 months. He sees her once a month in public for a couple of hours.

    When I told him I was pregnant he threatened me and my family with violence to try make me abort baby and when that didnt work he offered me thousands of pounds to abort.  It turns out reason he reacted this way was that he was leading a double life and had another partner. When said partner found out about child he told me that she was trying to find me and my baby..

    He said he didn’t want anything to do with baby and hoped she died before she was born.

    When she was 3 months old he decided he did want to see baby, so as the law says it is in childs best interests to know both parents, I let him. First time he saw her he then told me he was going to kidnap her and that his partner would be a better mum.  So I told him to leave and not bother us again.

    Didnt hear anything from him for a few months until he finally confessed to his family he had a child, so they were constantly ringing me saying I needed to let the child go over to them. He and his family all live around 20 miles away and I don’t k ow any of them and I feel she would potentially be at risk of emotional abuse as to this day he says he never wanted kids and it would have been easier for him if she had died. He also says that he never wanted mixed race kids especially (my daughter is mixed race), I am.also concerned about his partner being around my child.

    So now, because I wont let my child go with him unattended he is threatening me with court saying he will get joint custody and pay whatever it costs . He is also sending me intimidating texts, blackmailing me, getting people to find information on me and driving round my estate spying on me.

    He says he doesnt work, but he does and he pays maintenance via his sister as he says he can’t afford it.

    I now want to block all contact as its making me ill.  But would this go against me in court.


    Sorry for long message x

    #33090 Report


    Sorry to hear you’re going through all of this. After reading your post my initial reaction is that he’s not for one minute actually going to go down that route. Hes trying to bully and intimidate you. I would block him and carry on with your life. If you get a court summons/solicitors letter worry about it then. But I would be very surprised if he does go down the legal route. If hes harassing and following you, that’s not acceptable, regardless of whether he’s your child’s father. If it continues please contact the police and explain the situation. From what you’ve said he sounds very unhinged and toxic. I’m all for fathers having an active role in their child’s lives but on this occasion I think you need to protect your child from him at all costs!

    #33091 Report


    Oh and keep all the emails/texts from him as evidence!

    #33092 Report


    I think he will opt for the legal route if I’m honest. He doesnt see anything wrong with his behaviour, but the thought of court actually terrifies me! Not for myself, but because my child. Oh also in amongst all this he puts me down for being old (I’m 8 years older than him) and just tries to constantly put me.down over everything,  to be honest that stuff doesnt bother me, I’m just terrified he is gonna try take my child to “teach me a lesson for going against his wishes for not having abortion” his words not mine

    #33105 Report


    He sounds a right piece of work.

    Yes you can block all contact with him and his family, just keep email contact open only with him and this will not go against you in court as there is communication between you and him open. If he passes your email address onto his family members and they email you, block them. He will be much more careful what he says in an email as this would be evidence for any future court.

    If he phones decline the call. If he manages to get thru to you, hang up. If he texts you, delete it straight away. Courts don’t take much notice of texts but they do with emails so keep any and all emails from him.

    Please do not worry about going to court, it is nowhere near as terrifying as you might think. I was worried my ex was going to take my son away to another country. The courts understood my fear and told my ex he must surrender his passport each time he has contact, they are on the side of the child xx

    #33118 Report


    Hi – I’m sorry to hear you’re having such a difficult time.  The free 24 hour National Domestic Violence Helpline can offer support with the ongoing abuse from your child’s father.  Their number is 0808 2000 247.

    #33122 Report


    Thanks for all the advice.  I know court could be best thing as once a judge rules what is what we have to stick by it.

    Sorry, I didn’t add that the contact he as at moment is supervised by one of my friends. And she says that whilst he is not horrible to my daughter at all, he doesnt really interact with her, and he never changes her nappy when in his care.

    Also, he is not on the birth certificate.

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