Child arrangements shift work please help

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  SOLOMUMMY 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #28151 Report

    Greggie123
    Participant

    <span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Hi all,</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>I’m hoping you may be able to help me come to an arrangement agreement with ex wife and see as much of my son as possible. I don’t want to be a weekend dad but also want to have the balance to have my time so I can move forward.</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>It’s very difficult as I work shifts one week 6-2 Monday – Friday and then 2-10 Monday Friday.</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>My son will be 3 in August so will be going to nursery 4 times a week.</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Previously I made the most of shifts and saw him before of after work depending on shift. My ex has suggested the following which I find difficult especially on second week as I’ll miss him.</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>The only alternatives are to change the below and agree or to speak to manager and ask for flexi hours ? Main issue is the late shifts afternoons 2pm – 10pm.</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>What’s your opinion guys and gals any help suggestions appreciated I adore my son and will only be 5 mins walk from his nursery and only 15 mins walk from his mothers home, and approx 25 mins away when I’m at work. On a Monday 3 mins walk at my parents house.</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Week 1 – 6 – 2 shift</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Monday – spends day with grandparents this is close to my work place only 5 mins away! 730am – 6pm i will drop son off at mothers 30 min away via car.</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Tuesday -nursery 0730 – 430 mother pick up and have Over night.</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Wednesday – nursery 0730 – 430 dad me to pick up and take for tea and drop home at his mothers at 6ish.</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Thursday – nursery 0730 – 430 mother pick up and have Over night</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Friday – ursery 0730 – 430 dad me to pick up and have overnight then the weekend is spent over night with me.</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Saturday – son with me day and over night</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Sunday – son with me day and over night</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Merging now into Monday which I start work on afternoon 2-10pm shift.</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Monday 2-10</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>spends day with grandparents this is close to my work place only 5 mins away! So I can see before work till 2pm mother will pick up son from grandparents at 6.</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Tuesday nursery 0730-430 overnight with mother</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Wed – nursery 0730-430 overnight with mother</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Thursday – nursery nursery 0730-430 overnight with mother</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Friday – nursery 0730-430 overnight with mother</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Saturday – weekend with mother day and over night</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Sunday weekend with mother day and over night – ( suggestion that I could pick son up and take to grandparents and they have over night ?)</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>This would mean no free weekends for me.</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Merge into 6-2 shift for new week and repeat.</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Any advice or help is appreciated just want a good balance and new fresh start and be close to my son. My ex has a new partner and of course I’d like to meet someone and socialise time to myself?</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Look forward to hearing from you</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>On another note I pay £180 a month to ex wife for son.</span><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; outline: none; clear: both; display: block; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;” /><span style=”caret-color: #1a1f24; color: #1a1f24; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>G</span>

    #28174 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Hi, your post is hard to read with all the formatting but you seem to have two good weeks where you see plenty of your son and then a week when you don’t because of your shift patterns.

    Maybe look at what is best for your son. He’s 3 so his world is expanding, he needs to socialise with other children so he can cope with school at 4. You still see him for the weekend of your “lates” week.  Can you negotiate extra time to take him away on holiday?

    On money £180 is £6 per day which I guess has to cover half of clothes, shoes, toys, water, heating, laundry and any chargeable bits of childcare. ( if child benefit covers food.). Does that sound about right?

    #28175 Report

    SOLOMUMMY
    Participant

    You have presumably copied and pasted your question as the formatting on gb in such circumstances is awful. So I may have misunderstood! Lol

    so you work two shift patterns 6-2 and 2-10.

    your child is cared for by your parents on Mondays.

    but in nursery tues to fri 730-430 or 6.

    Now given that you have weekends off work it’s only right and proper you both have a quality weekend time arrangement.

    please bear in mind that negotiations around contact where the other parent has effectively offered an additional overnight and the other parent refuses because they won’t get a clear weekend doesn’t look great! So before dismissing completely be wary of this. Equally what would you really be likely to be doing on a Sunday evening in real terms? It certainly wouldn’t make or break a potential relationship I wouldn’t have thought whereas shift work can.

    my personal suggestion would be that

    6-2 week you have overnight on Wednesday extending the tea suggestion which would really only be an hour if you are expected to do the travel back again. And have your parents facilitate nursery on the morning. Then you have the Friday collecting from nursery earlier would be my suggestion. Until Sunday night. So three overnights week one.

    2-10 week your parents  have on Monday as already. Then on Wednesday evening they keep your child overnights and you spend Thursday morning with the child with no nursery that week. (Given it’s free 30 hours this is a non issue). Then ex has the weekend and she delivers  on Sunday evening to your parents {assume you live together}. Then you have two overnights that weekend. So over fourteen days you have five overnights.

    now obviously many resident parents don’t want to have more nights with the other parent as it reduces their maintenance claim. So I’d suggest keeping the maintenance at the current rate which is technically £6.90 per night she has the child and this would rise to £9.19 per overnight she has him if you kept the same rate of £180

    a month. Has the amount been agreed with full disclosure of your income including overtime? Do you share other costs like school uniforms, groups/clubs and  haircuts costs?

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