Child arrangements changing

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  • #28783 Report


    When my wife and I separated in September last year, we agreed (not in writing) that the children would stay with me 3 nights a week and her 4 nights per week. She is now saying she wishes to change this to 5 nights in the week with her and 2 on the weekend with me. This came to my attention when my 5 year old daughter told me that “mummy needs to speak to you about us staying with her for 5 days in the week”, just as we were leaving to take the children back to mum’s house (she had been naughtier than usual this couple of days so I suspect it was on her mind). When we got back, I asked her mum about it and she laughed it off and said it wasn’t true, then came to speak to me outside about it. She then proposed what I stated above, citing it is less disruptive for the children. It is less disruptive, as the current arrangement is spread throughout the week so that I can do school and nursery runs as my ex works three days per week, so the children stay with me the night before she is working.

    She also tried to convince me I would see the children for more time with her proposal.

    Based on what she suggested, I calculated the hours each parent spends/would spend with the children. I showed this to her and then adapted it according to criteria we agreed on, eg. wake up time, bed time, etc. I then sent it via Whatsapp as an image so her and her partner could see it.

    This was about a week ago.

    I have since communicated that I was reluctant to speak face to face about it as the last two times we had spoken about it she began insulting me verbally (she told me her and her partner were coming to my house at 5pm of that day to talk about it whilst the children were sitting watching tv in the next room of a 2 up 2 down terrace – for obvious reasons I told her this was not happening!).

    Since this I have agreed to sit down to discuss it but it has to be organised so that the children are not around. She is insisting on her new partner being there (as is he), but I stated I needed their proposal in writing first. When I again explained that I needed it in writing so we wasted as little time as possible when we meet, her boyfriend finally agreed (no response from her) but said it would be next week at the earliest when they got it to me. This was on Saturday. Quite why it will take them so long to come up with this I don’t know. Is this a reasonable timeframe to provide me with something they proposed over a week ago? It looks like it will need to go to mediation, so I’m hoping that any delaying on their part may make this look like I have been making more effort at least.

    Any advice would be great please.

    #28784 Report

    Sorry, I also meant to add that I propose they spend 3 nights such as Thursday, Friday, Saturday with me, but until I have any response from her I can’t move forward.

    #28795 Report


    I guess the things I would want to understand are why, and how it will affect the children.

    The change would mean, under CMS rules, that you pay more maintenance (I think).

    Or it could be because she is changing job, or so she and her new partner have all weekends on their own. But that will restrict your social life if that matters to you.

    Will it be better for the children? Easier for school run?  Have you asked them what they would like?

    #29034 Report

    Can anyone tell me what my rights are please? My ex has stated they will be staying with her Mon, Tue, Wed, Thu night each week and then Fri, Sat, Sun will be flexible depending on which day she is working, they will be staying 2 nights with me (as opposed to 3 with me, 4 with her).

    I have told her I do not accept her proposal as they can stay 3 nights in a row with me as I will be able to get them to and from school fine. On the weeks she works Sunday she will be expecting me to return them to school anyway on Monday morning.

    She has kindly informed me I can go round to see them any day in the week, within reason, as long as I have them back for 7pm. This is extremely impractical, given that sometimes I don’t finish work until 6 and don’t drive.

    There have been no formal written arrangements so I sm wondering what rights she has to do this.

    The eldest wants to continue staying 3 nights a week with me, but the youngest isn’t quite mature enough to discuss it really. I’m really stuck as to what to do. I have made the counterproposal but am not sure whether she willeven reply to it, as she said I will hear from her solicitor. So, I’m pretty desperate to know what I can and can’t do.


    #29039 Report


    My friend,

    First of all your kid’s need the stable situation for every subjects.

    It means you need to have plan for their times, and sending them to their mother.

    So, please write something official.

    Secondly, please talk with your kids about circumstances and their new lifestyle.

    Of course, you can tell them as a story or you can drawing something related to your situation.

    Let them speak about their feelings for your situation.

    Take care bro


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