Child arrangement order

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  • #7563 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    Just looking for any words of wisdom from the knowledgable on the forum, I have a court date tomorrow for follow up on a current prohibited steps order I have in place for 3 children. Obviously this date will focus on the granting (or maybe not granting) of a child arrangements order, and hopefully to re-instate some form of direct contact with their dad. Direct contact hadn’t been stopped by the the court but dad has refused to put his request for contact in writing (making prohibited steps enforceable if he fails to return the children), so it’ll be 6 weeks since the kids saw him. They’ve had supervised telephone contact twice weekly. Anyway, I’m not sure what I should expect from the hearing or what my options are. I do want the kids to have dad in their lives but I need reassurance, after attempts on 2 of the children to not return them after contact.

    #7569 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    Hey Anonymous, thanks for the above. I’m not too bothered re half term approaching, the eldest is 14, youngest 6, and I’ve learnt through the duration of the 16year relationship my job as mum is to cover all bases myself, I can cope physically, mentally and financially with the kids alone. I do recognise though that a father figure is important for the kids, they learn from his errors potentially more than his good qualities but ultimately the children will be my judge in future years and I never say negative things about him to them. I still don’t hate him, I have no feelings towards him. Dad just focuses on what he feels his rights are as opposed to what’s in the best interest of the kids. You might recall a month or so again I mentioned on here he’d made plans to move my daughter to a school 80 miles away, he discussed this with her without my knowledge! Then he asked her to record the conversation on his phone when she broke the news to me 🤦‍♂️ He’s a clown. My daughter realised this wasn’t ethically/morally right and has refused to participate in the twice weekly tel contact though I can’t rule out that this is because it’s supervised, or maybe she didn’t like what daddy was doing to mummy. My heart breaks for her. She’s been fine and happy until daddy is mentioned. She hasn’t requested contact. My offer is reverting back to alternate weekends, fri eve to Sunday eve. He moved 80 miles away after an occupation order was granted. This worked well (ish) apart from the above mentioned failing to return. I just don’t want him filling their heads with negativity whilst they’re with him. I have huge belief that they will also be his judge, he’s destroying his relationship with the kids but he can’t see it, obviously he feels I’m the cause of this

    #7578 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    He withheld his address(es) and moved house frequently (taking our kids along with him on contact alternate weekends). He originally went to stay at his mums (last Aug) but within 6 weeks of leaving he was living with his new girlfriend and her 2 children. I didn’t have this address though they’ve been together now about 5 months I think, approx 4-5 weeks ago started renting another house together, he’s just last week emailed the address for his newest place (this is the 1st address I’ve had). I didn’t even know which county (never mind the address) our kids were in, as his mum lived in one county but the new girlfriend came from a neighbouring county! I had no way of knowing the children’s location whilst in his care, he didnt feel I needed to know as ‘he has equal PR u know’ and ‘they’re his kids too’ and ‘I have rights’ lol sure you know where I’m coming from! Yeah sure the courts are aware hence being issued the prohibited steps order a month ago in his absence. I have a solicitor representing me as I couldnt cope with the guilt if I failed to get across what I needed to in order to protect the children. There’s a very long complicated history to this tale, I can’t risk my children’s future for money, there protection is worth every penny I have and more

    #7580 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    He emailed me the address as despite the pso being granted and in his hand, he sent his mum who was oblivious to the pso 80 miles to the children’s school to retrieve them on his behalf! Sure, he set her up as she didn’t know she’d have been responsible then for removing the children from the care of their mother without prior written agreement as set out in the pso. Then he reported me to the police for with holding contact (even though he had the pso!) honestly, it’s been horrendously unnecessary. So the police had his address, I guess he felt there was no point in with holding it anymore

    #7581 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    But anyway, back to the point… should I expect the child arrangement order granted same day? Should I be confident in obtaining it at all? At what point do cafcass become involved? etc

    #7585 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    Thanks Anonymous, I just want to go in tomorrow with realistic expectations. I’d like the kids to have someone chat with them about what’s happened, it gives each of them an opportunity to be heard and supported beyond what I am able to provide if required. I think my solicitor is confident of our position since he’s a serial offender. His actions historically are very manipulative. Previous social services report also concluded the same. I’ve got everything crossed for tomorrow. I start a new job on 26/2/18 and hoped it would be all wrapped up by then, I dont really want to be taking time off work as it’s my only way of paying the court costs, but needs must I suppose

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