Child Arrangement Order

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  • #53118 Report


    Hi everyone, wishing someone could help me with my current situation. Me and my ex partner had the CAO mid last year. It was me who applied in the court as I have tried every single option but unfortunately we can have had settle the arrangement amicably. The court decided in favour of most of my ex partners wishes as the judge says it was for the best interest of the children. I was gutted as I have spend alot of money yet it was mostly his proposal being granted.

    In the beginning of this year he constantly failed to follow the order. He then decided to ask me if we could amicably change the order ourselves and not going back to court.He said he decided to move further away and could no longer commit to follow the CAO. I did not agree to his proposals as I thought this is not fair. He then now apply to the court to vary the order and we are scheduled for another hearing. I am ask to submit a statement base on what is best for the children.

    My question is,if anyone had experienced on this matter. Can I ask the judge that I would want the current CAO be enforced. In the first place it was their decision favouring my ex partner because it was for the best interest of the children. Why would I want it now to be change after spending all that money and not even a year yet he already failed in many occasions to fulfill his obligations to the order. Why would I have to suffer now and make changes to grant his wishes again because it suits him better. I am not opposing that he is moving 6hrs away from his children but he has to find a way on how he woul adjust himself according to what is in the order. He want the children to stay full time with me now and it this will bring big impact to my work schedule. He wanted to get extra more days with the children when it’s school holidays. I don’t think this is not fair and the court will grant his wishes again. Because this is not on the best interest of the children but on his best interest to live a nice life with his new partner.

    #53124 Report


    I’m sorry to hear about all your troubles that you have experienced.  Unfortunately, you will find it difficult to have the order enforced as it was something that should have happened at the time that your ex partner was not complying with it.  It is difficult but we need to keep emotions out of this and think about the children as paramount, what makes it that much more difficult is that both you and your ex are not co-parenting at the moment and court proceedings tend to create more animosity between parents.

    In terms of his relocation, it appears that he is putting his own needs first over and above the needs of the children.  Do the children currently enjoy spending time with him, if so, it is a shame that they will miss out on the time they are currently spending with him.  I do not think that the court will look favourably at the fact that he is returning to court so early after a final order was only made less than a year ago, it is very disruptive for the children.  The court nor yourself can force the father to see the children; however, I am sure that you can ask for certain conditions to be put in place that would avoid repeated court appearances.  For example, I wish your ex all the best in his new relationship but what if it does not work out, will your ex then relocate back and ask for additional time with the children.  I am sure if you put your concerns across in the right way, the court would give serious consideration to your concerns.

    I would not engage any legal representation for the hearing, they are your children and you are best placed to comment as to what type of schedule you deem is appropriate for them.  I’ve been through the process myself as well as other members on here.  Feel free to connect as we are always willing to support.


    #53162 Report


    Hi Leader1978,

    Thank you so much for your helpful comment on my post. I will prepare my own draft letter soon and ask the court for the live in order as currently it is on shared care order. I got no money to ask for any legal help anymore. In fact I am still paying my debts incured from last year hearing for this CAO that again it was all my ex-partner proposals was granted.

    Can I possibly ask the court to removed the prohibited steps order too? This is something that my ex partner proposed and been granted because he fears that I’ll take the children outside the country and never return them. Or leave it as is as the court decide to apply it to both of us.

    Also,my son is going through therapy as he is showing symptoms of ASD. Put him into nursery since he was 2yrs old so he will be look after and engage more with other children. My ex-partner never did help a single penny for the cost of this. I am very stressed and tired of working but I needed too to for my children. Given that he is the one who applied to the court. Can I possibly ask them too to order my ex-partner to repay me half of the cost I’ve spent for his son as I have kept all the receipt? He gives child maintenance because I applied for it directly from CMS as he was refusing to give before. It is not much as he is not earning that big working in the government sector. I fear that even this will stop in the future,given that his new partner bought a hotel and he will just decide to work with her. If that’s the case they have the option not to declare that his got income.

    May I ask the court too to decide that my ex should pay certain amount of maintenance to his children either he is working or not?



    #53167 Report


    I would never mention anything financial during a hearing that is to do with your children spending time with the parents, this will never go down well.  It is best to keep the two issues separate.

    You could ask the court to remove the PSO but if you have no intention of leaving the country with the children and never coming back, does the PSO really make a difference? It’s best to pick your battles as the court process can be quite stressful.

    In terms of contributions towards nursery fees, if you are enrolling your son into nursery for when he is in your care then the father is not obligated to contribute unless he wishes to do so out of choice.  If the father has put him in nursery during the time your son is in his care, then it is up to the father to pick up the nursery fees during that time.

    Are you also going through divorce/financial proceedings?  If not then this maybe an option to consider if you feel that you need further support financially from the father.  However, as mentioned, I would not mention anything to do with financials at this hearing.  The aim should be to agree a contact schedule which would benefit your son.

    #53173 Report


    Thank you Leader1978, I appreciate and take note of your comments.

    Yes we are still in the process of divorce/financial matters. Got my decri nisi and he is ordered to pay the cost. This is my other problem because the decri nisi will lapse in 2months time. I could not proceed to the decree absolute as he is not willing to sign a clean break order unless I agree to his condition not to collect the cost of the divorce, not to ask anything from his pension and then pay him some of his debts incured during marriage. For seven years I’ve been working tirelessly and he is taking all my salary. Yet he is still not content being with a rich new partner now and still want money from me. This is not fair even the law is not fair.

    To be honest I am getting mentally exhausted with his behaviour and I don’t know what to do anymore. I sometimes think of ending my life but I love my children. I left him end of 2019 with just my children and a couple of clothes for us. All I want is to be happy. I can’t live  with abuse,unrespected,and de-valued life. All I got in my mind is I have to leave,my daughter doesn’t need to witness any of this. I can’t keep telling her it’s okay because it’s not okay.

    I hope this is going to end soon.😭

    #53174 Report

    Hi Warriormum

    I’m Michelle one of the Moderators here in the forum.  I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through such a difficult time.  It’s good that you’re here and getting some support from other Members.  It sounds as though you need professional advice with the questions that you’re asking.  If you get in touch with a service that is focused on legal matters, they will usually be up to date with legislative procedure.  This is not something that we can guarantee to be the case with advice you may receive in the forum.

    The following organisations may be able to throw some light on things for you, and hopefully help you to move forwards with a bit more confidence in managing this:

    Rights of Women: Free, confidential legal advice by telephone for women on a wide variety of issues. Specialist areas include family law and domestic violence.

    Child Law Advice Service – they provide legal advice on family law issues related to children, and a helpline staffed by legal specialists 0300 330 5480

    Family Rights Group on 0808 801 0366  They advise around options where decisions have been made by the courts or social workers around their children’s welfare

    Family Law Panel A free directory service for members of the public to access professional and independent family law information. Solicitors offer an initial free advice session.

    Civil Legal Advice Helpline on 0345 345 4 345 to check to see if you qualify for legal aid and for details of local family law solicitors that provide advice and representation funded by legal aid

    I hope that these links will help

    Can I also remind Members that we cannot support directive advice here in the forum. This is particularly relevant where a member is trying to address specific legal matters.

    Whilst it’s acceptable that Members may share their own experiences and draw similarities from their own journey through these processes, giving directive legal advice risks users taking action that may be detrimental to their circumstances.

    Legislation changes frequently, and each circumstance will often be unique to that individual.  Therefore we would always strongly recommend that issues of this nature are discussed with a qualified professional in an appropriate setting.

    Kind regards







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