Child Arrangement Order – 2nd court hearing
13 August 2021 at 10:13 pm #57508
Next week I am going to be in court (2nd hearing) for a child arrangement order, this is due to my ex husband wanting certain contact with our 11 year old daughter who says she does not want to stay away from home with him. She has very clear feelings as to not wanting to stay with him and that she does not feel safe in his company. Throughout his statements he has lied to paint a bad picture of me. He has re- written life’s events to portray a completely different story, these lies are to suit the court hearing. I have been honest in my statement and my daughters thoughts and feeling come first. The lies are so dreadful, it makes me feel ill just thinking about what he is saying.
I want to be strong in court but I am nervous that the court will believe his lies.
Has anyone else been in this awful situation with an Ex partner? He has narcissistic personality, he’s very controlling and a compulsive liar.13 August 2021 at 11:24 pm #57509
hi, I’m sorry your going through this, it’s hard. I’ve been to court so many times with my ex husband over contact and he lies almost every single time, whilst I am always truthful.
I know it’s hard but continue to do so, the judge will have seen people like him before and will see that you have thought of your child.
Xx14 August 2021 at 6:25 pm #57524
Yes, I have been through this too.
The worst bit is always the run up to the Court hearing and the state of fear induced by such a narcissistic person.
Once it gets to the judge, quite often they recognise it for what it is and especially, see through the lies.
As long as they see you are putting your child’s interests first you will be in a good place. I don’t know if you have involved
Cafcass but there are mixed reports about how good (or how bad) they are. It is really difficult try to put some emotional support in place.14 August 2021 at 6:56 pm #57526
Thanks for your messages, I hope the court will recognise the lies and the type of person he is. He’s blaming me for how my daughter feels and he’s made up lots of lies to go against me.
My daughters school have written a report on how she feels which has been submitted to the court, it’s clear how she feels. I have been told by solicitor that Cafcass will probably want to do another report on why she feels this way, which could take another 4 months or so.
I have also heard mixed reports about Cafcass and the way they work. I hope they can see that the statements are untrue and misleading.18 August 2021 at 10:09 am #57625
In our CAO hearings my ex arranged to be in a different area / room so she didn’t have to see me before we walked into the court room no doubt citing intimidation etc (not the case, but I assume that she was playing for effect!). I was on my own but in the first hearing she had a barrister, in the second she had a McKensie friend to support her. The Barrister approached me with some ‘deal’ before the first hearing – I told him that I would have to think about it, I didn’t. In the second hearing my ex spent so much time laughing & joking with the McKensie Friend that she did not read the draft CAO properly, I read it and thought she would have a huge tantrum about it, only afterwards did she read it properly and has since claimed it is unfair, tough – going back to court is her only option. In our case the judge simply agreed with what the CAFCASS report recommended.18 August 2021 at 12:08 pm #57631
So sorry to hear you & your Daughter are going through this.
Sounds like you are doing your best & it’s great the school is being supportive. That is a major asset.
(Sorry if you have already!) It might be worth reaching out to women’s aid or rights of women to discuss coercion & control & emotional abuse … Lying about you in the family court does fit this definition of these types of abuse, as does any incident (including verbal abuse/ gestures or actions) of behaviour intended to belittle, intimidate, disrupt, cause distress or control you. – the legal wording of this is much broader/ & specific, so talking to an expert is key.
Many orgs also argue that being dragged through courts maliciously is a form of financial abuse; as it’s forcing financial burdens on false grounds. (Even if you have legal aid, there can be costs)
Family law courts are generally quite behind with this, but there are lots of campaigns making headway, so there is some recognition & hope out there.
Most important thing is to safeguard you & your daughter’s health, even if you feel you are getting through it, little bit of therapy can go a very long way to ward off the stress effects & maintain strength.
Idk if it’s useful, but found this;
Can help explain some of the process to expect.
Best of luck & love to you both