Child arrangement court order

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  • #17656 Report

    Lydia1995
    Participant

    hi everyone, long post but I’m so down and confused and would really love some advice. I have a 2 year old daughter and I lived with her dad for the first 8 months of her life and he did NOTHING he didn’t look after her on his own once the whole time and always went out and never spent any time with her, he even didn’t want to give her bottles etc. I ended the relationship and moved out, he has only had sporadic contact always with me present as he seens so disinterested and has no clue how to look after he, he argues with me shouting and. Even pushing me and grabbing me in front of my daughter so I have stopped contact. He has now applied for a court order and I am worried they will allow him contact when she is terrified if she thinks I’m leaving her with him as she’s never seen him on her own without me.  He lives with his new girlfriend, her daughter at her parents house which I don’t think is suitable for contact as neither him or his gf ever look after her daughter and my daughter hasn’t ever met this girl who has continuously shouted and sweared at me I front of her daughter down the phone. I’m just terrified the courts will allow unsupervised contact with him and his new gf and I’m worried how that will effect my sensitive lovely toddler 😫

    #17683 Report

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    All adults here need to take a step back and remind themselves that such hostility and disrespect towards each other will influence and affect the child. Your child must be safe, and it is both parents responsibility to agree a realistic future plan for her through either mediation or the family court. As Anonymous says, report physical aggression, but don’t exaggerate it. Mediation is the most constructive way forward and a mediator would be able to give sensible advice. Info below.

    It is really difficult, but try to not be worried or emotional and look at the court application as a chance to work out a good future for your daughter who will need both parents in her life.

     

    #17687 Report

    Lydia1995
    Participant

    Hi, I appreciative both posts, what you said zerohoursdad is why I don’t want to go to police as it’s going to look as if I made it up now as I’m only telling them since he’s applied at court and I feel they won’t believe me, at the time I wish I had contacted the police however I wasn’t in the right mind set to think of doing such a thing, on paper he doesn’t seem so bad but I know this man and am genuinely scared for my daughters wellbeing, not out of jealousy of a new partner or any bad feelings I just want what’s right for my daughter and am just scared the courts will allow him unsupervised contact right away and she will be so distressed, how do I as her mum who has looked after her every single day and night for over 2 years on my own deal with leaving her with a man I don’t trust when she is distressed 😟

    #17689 Report

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Lydia1995, to clarify further, if, as your new post suggests, you have actual safeguarding concerns around your daughter (“I am genuninely scared for my daughter’s wellbeing”), then report them and address the specifics through the appropriate authorities. A mediator would advise the same. When I say don’t exaggerate, I’m not suggesting you are exaggerating. Just be honest, you know if you are.

    Alternatively, take a step back. If you believe that that, despite you and your ex’s differences/conflict, he is a decent father, then take steps to agree a realistic future plan for your daughter. Realise that your (and your ex’s) views will influence your daughter’s views. Involve an independent third party, such as a mediator, who will set it out in a childcentric way.

    Anonymous, again, you are trying to find offence where there is, obviously, none intended. Your post is also confusing, are you saying you are a man?

    #17693 Report

    Schubert
    Participant

    Hi Lydia1995,

    I went through something similar. Domestic abuse survivor. The ex issued C100 against me for unsupervised access to my 3 children.

    The mediators deemed mediation to be inappropriate and the courts were advised.

    All I can tell you is that the courts take very seriously the effect that domestic abuse has, especially on children.

    Reporting abuse to the police is difficult but necessary . The police have officers who specialise in dealing with victims, that’s what we are, victims.

    I think that you said that some of the continuing abuse is verbal? Can I suggest that you state to the ex and his new partner that you will not tolerate how they speak/shout at you and that all contact should be in writing, text, emails ?

    I’ve been through the entire court proceedure, so please feel free to pm me if I can help.

    Keep doing what you’re doing and take care

     

    #17694 Report

    Lydia1995
    Participant

    Hi anon, thank you so much for your kind message. I really appreciate the support. Can I ask what the outcome was and if you ex did get unsupervised contact? Also did you represent yourself?

     

    many thanks

     

    lydia.

    #17695 Report

    Schubert
    Participant

    I was represented. Ex wasn’t.

    I completed and filed my reply to the C100.

    At court ex lost his temper. Judge requested Cafcass complete reports and no direct contact until then.

    The order was drafted by my barrister. When we went back into court the ex announced that he was dropping his application.

    Please note that I said that he could see the children but it had to be supervised as there were and are safe guarding issues.

    So now no contact

    #17697 Report

    Lydia1995
    Participant

    Thanks anon, glad it got sorted in your case for you and your children.

    the problem with my ex is that it is him mother pushing the court order and him doing this whole thing and I think that is the only reason it is happening so I’m not actually getting what HE wants as, as far as I see he doesn’t make any effort it actually want to be a dad so I don’t think I should force my daughter in him just so he can take her to his mums (who is a bully of a women who disciplines her children by hitting and shouting in there faces-which I entirely disagree witH)

    i just feel a bit hopeless.

     

    #17703 Report

    Schubert
    Participant

    On the C100, your ex will have to declare what he wants the court to do, ie the purpose of the order.

    Firstly, mediation has to be considered. If you disclose that you have safe guarding concerns regarding the grandmother, these will be noted.

    Should Cafcass then be involved, again you’ll be asked about any safe guarding concerns you have.

    The courts do have the power to say who does/doesn’t see the child.

    #17705 Report

    Lydia1995
    Participant

    Thank you for you reply, you have really made me feel better and a little more calm, it all so overwhelming and never a position you though you’d be in

     

    thank you again

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