Child agreement issues

[CFParticipant]

Hi,

I wonder if anyone can help… my ex has arranged half term holiday cover, so he can take our child away for a weekend break, and would like our child for a few additional days when they get back. I’ve said yes to this.  We have agreed 50/50 split of holiday cover between us.

When they get back I’ve asked my ex if he could not visit (our child), on the day he usually does, I would like a couple of days uninterrupted time and also school starts the next day. He’s then said if he’s not coming that evening  (sunday) he would like to come the following evening, (monday) I’ve asked him not to as our child will be tired from the first day back at school (and he will be coming to visit the following evening anyway) – he’s replied saying the Monday isn’t a good day but he would prefer the Sunday or to come another day (he has our child later in the week anyway) – I don’t feel that I’m being unreasonable but he just doesn’t relent – if he wants to do something he will have/do it… I’m not sure what to do..

[red23Participant]

Oh my gosh, my family is going through the process of getting court ordered at the moment and I am dreading all this… my ex- is also very controlling, stubborn, unrelenting, etc.

Sorry I don’t really have advice, but I feel your pain.

I would just say next time he asks you to agree to something, just don’t give an inch unless the reciprocation is also settled. It sounds like normal relaxed cooperative behaviour probably won’t work.

[CFParticipant]

Yes your quite right, normal behaviour won’t work – he is very controlling and stubborn (and selfish!) – he has no understanding or care of the effects of comments/behaviour has on our child and he’s doing this out of spite – very worried about the mental health of my child seeing/hearing  this and worried courts won’t see things as they really are to protect (emotionally)..

I’m unable to speak up to him, (although am getting much better), but he has so little respect for me it doesn’t matter what I say anyway

[CFParticipant]

Sorry – forgot to say good luck to you red23

[red23Participant]

Thanks!

It’s hard to detach yourself from the disrespect, isn’t it? I often feel very trapped and depressed living with my ex’s constant petty attacks and domineering power games. It’s horrible role modelling for the kids too.

Which approach do you think protects you more, silence and non-engagement, or actually speaking up?

[Author]

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