10 October 2021 at 3:32 am #60886
I split up with my ex partner about three months ago now and we have a son who is 8 months old. Up until the last couple of weeks we have agreed access and times I can pick him up . For the last month I have had him every Saturday 9am to Sunday at 9am and every Tuesday eveningfor two hours 5-7pm .
My ex in the past two weeks has been to a solicitor and drawn up a plan where I see him every other Saturday 9am to 9am on the Sunday and every Tuesday evening 5-7pm . Along with the proposal her letter also stated that I keep him up past ten o clock when he stays and that I’m not keeping to his feeding routine and controlling nappy rash etc. None of this is true.
Obviously I’m not happy any of this and I think the contact arrangement she has proposed is not fair. I have been to see a solicitor and drawn up my own proposal whereby I have my son every other weekend Friday eve to Sunday afternoon . Her letter indicates that if I don’t agree we have to go to mediation . I would accept mediation but she seems unreasonable and I don’t know if it would achieve anything.
Her solicitor indicates that the two hours every Tuesday evening is to counteract the fact that my ex has more weekend time with him 75-25 split. The two hours in the weekday evening are rushed and I feel as though a whole weekend with him , (every other weekend ) is fair and would give my family time to see him also. Do you think I’m being unreasonable and asking too much and what do you think my chances of getting this if it goes to court?10 October 2021 at 3:48 am #60888
From a personal point of view you are trying very hard to have quality time with your son. I’m trying to get my sons dad to have him consistently, supposed to be Tuesday/Thursday 5pm to 7pm then one overnight at weekend. I know weekdays are rushed but my sons usually in bed by 7pm sleeping for 8pm but on nights he’s at his dads he takes longer to settle as he wants to spend time with me. We both need to be up early for work and nursery so we can’t do any later. About weekends I completely understand having longer time so you can do more, I would love that now my son is 4 years old, as 24 hours flies by. However I have to admit I was very against it when he was younger, I was so used to seeing him everyday, I couldn’t bare for him to be away a full weekend. Your completely right fighting your case, get as much time as you can, but be prepared to build this up over time. Show his mum how well it works and how you having them benefits her too, free time is a luxury I would love lol I know it’s not an easy fix but you will get there x10 October 2021 at 10:56 am #60898
it’s a hard one especially fighting as a dad but there’s no reason you couldn’t get 50/50, my ex stopped me from seeing my kids for 3-4 months after we split so I filed for court and initially got them for 4 out of 7 now the final order stated they live with me and I’m supposed to have them for 12 out of 14 days but quite often they don’t go their mums for the 2 days they are supposed to, you don’t need a solicitor to do it you can fight it alone because all a solicitor will do is squeeze as much money as possible from you10 October 2021 at 11:51 am #60899
Thanks for your replies I really appreciate them . I think I may have made a mistake getting a solicitor involved and should have replied my self . I spent a whole weekend gathering jnformation from my phone (messages and screenshots) basically in response to lies and accusations in my exes original letter. My solicitor didn’t seem interested in using any of it and said our best way is to not rile her and stay on her side, which is difficult when you receive a letter basically saying you can’t look after your son properly.
I just want fair and think every other weekend would be , even if I pick my son up Saturday morning rather than Friday evening.10 October 2021 at 10:46 pm #60906
Its great that you have been able to have overnight stays with your son at such a young age. I been through courts and made to wait till child turns 2 and a half for overnights. It sounds very reasonable to be wanting to spend more time with your son. If your not happy with your ex proposals then you don’t have to agree. Be wary about going back and forth with solicitors, will cost you a fortune. It’s very common for courts to give fri-sun every other weekend as the minimum. I would suggest to think of future arrangements like when child starts nursery/school, arrangements about school holidays, xmas, birthdays etc.11 October 2021 at 2:32 am #60916
Thanks for your reply Steve I’m thinking my case may well end up in court as my ex is very unreasonable therefore I can’t see mediation working for us. Can I ask why they denied you overnight stay , seems unreasonable to me ?11 October 2021 at 12:11 pm #60934
it’s very difficult if you don’t have an agreeable ex. have to rely on courts. as mother is primary carer, she will tend to have more authority over young children. if I remember, she said she was going to breast feed child until age 2, which she had never done with our other 2 kids 🙂 can also depend on the judge, some are no nonsense and want to resolve things as soon as possible.
11 October 2021 at 1:30 pm #60938
- This reply was modified 2 weeks, 1 day ago by steve3334.
Ah sounds alot my ex , she would probably play the breast feeding card but she’s drawn up a feeding plan (spoon fed) in her solicitors letter so she can’t go back and say that now fortunately. She isn’t reasonable so will probably end up in court. Apart from the 1 night stay she is offering in her contact plan I don’t see much else they could take off me so probably worth the gamble from my point of view.11 October 2021 at 1:35 pm #60939
other thing to consider is communication. I don’t think you would want to keep going back and forth with solicitors to discuss issues when child is 4 years old. 10 years old for example. legal fees will be ridiculous. if your not on good terms with ex, can you use a parenting app, or use a 3rd party?11 October 2021 at 8:52 pm #60965
I have my 2 year old daughter 3 nights a week. I had to go to court of course but no gender has the right to monopolise a child’s life. If you are prepared to fight your corner and evidence that you are a good dad you can get to shared care too.
Parents seem to forget that it’s not their best interests it’s the child’s best interests.11 October 2021 at 9:25 pm #60967
Thanks for your post , I’m waiting on my first solicitors letter which will have my proposal of fair shared contact . I have collected alot of evidence to squash her lies about me not putting g him to bed until 10 o clock etc but my solicitor doesn’t want to use it and rile her to much which I’m annoyed with . I’m stating to wish I hadn’t gone to see a solicitor and replied to her letter myself . I do see myself taking this matter to court I just hope they don’t favour a certain sex and decide fairly .