Change of plans from other parent

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  • #28571 Report



    I have a quick question or advice please.

    We have agreed a contact arrangement (not in court) with the father of my child (2.5yo). Last week he informed me that his shifts are changing, therefore we should change the plan. I accepted that because I want him to be seeing his son. So ie for this week he saw him on Monday the whole day and again on Friday at 18:00 he will pick him up until Saturday 16:00 and then as of next week it will be : Monday/ Thursday 9-6 and every other Sunday he will do overnights. Eventually we will move to every Sunday overnights. I should add that he doesnt work Monday and Thursdays and he is off every other weekend.

    I work full time so the only quality time i get to spend with my son is during the weekend. Therefore I asked him for this weekend to pick him up at 16:30 and he says no/ unacceptable/ absolutely not/ i am not happy with this. I dont want to keep arguing about it and I will not but I feel that he is being unfair to me and intentionally difficult. It took me a long time to reach an agreement with him, stop him from calling me/texting me constantly. I have also been accommodating to his changes so he can see our son and spend quality time.

    Does anyone have any advice?


    #28574 Report


    That sounds emotionally draining… People say Mediation is a way forward. If he will not be persuaded to see your needs, at least when/if it will go to court, you will have a hard evidence that you tried to keep channel of communication open, but he is the one who is inflexible.

    I would also take up a new phone line number. Leave this number for communications with dad ONLY. So that you could leave phone at home when you are working and his messaging does not take focus from what you are doing at work. ALso, if communications from him copious, with the time it will become overwhelming… Please keep the back up. Jus incase.

    Hope it works out for you,


    #28577 Report


    Thats a good idea with the new phone. I will do that.

    Well at the end i had to agree with what he wanted 18:00 but he accepted that i can be around at 16:00 if i wanted. He was being really cocky again and makes me very anxious and i feel i will my temper if i keep discussing.

    So then.. he goes: Can i come over tonight to pick up some  of my things. And i said no. He is still on the mortgage and pays but i dont feel like seeing him all the time or even at all. Especially when during lunch he is being difficult and upsets me. He didnt like that of course but he is doing it.

    We went mediation initially but the trouble was that he didnt have to pay due to his income and i had to pay and taking into account his behaviour i knew he was going to keep disagreeing just to make my life hard.

    Blahhhh this is so frustrating…

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