We have 4 differently autistic children with a mix of needs.
I end up doing all the emotional/mental stuff, all appointments, all forms, all the strategies etc, and I’d rather do this on my own than have any expectations of dh doing any of it. Plus as he’d have the children sometimes I would have a break.
Mine of my children is home educated as he couldn’t cope with mainstream school. I get carers allowance because I am unable to work.
We own a small house (too small), which dh doesn’t want to sell as he’s worried about losing security.
I cant get housing benefit as I co-own the house, and I also can’t rent anything because I can’t afford it and because (again) I co-own the house.
Does anyone know if there’s a way round this mess without having to sell the house?
Would taking me off the mortgage and deeds of the house work?
If you’re absolutely sure you couldn’t share the house for the sake of the children and the money then the only alternative is that he rents nearby and you keep the house as the resident parent. Obviously you will both still own the house, but it would be yours until the children are all beyond education. That seems harsh on him, but that’s how a court would see it. Children come first. It would be the same if he was the resident parent – they would expect you to leave and rent if you couldn’t amicably stay in the same house. As someone having to sell a beautiful family home I understand the point about security but that’s a casualty of a relationship breakdown. Children always come first. My ex just wants the cash now and isn’t bothered about looking into keeping it on as an investment down the line, but if she wanted to live in it with the children I’d be kicked out – not her, even if it were solely in my name. So, if you both want to keep the house for security later down the line and you can’t share, then one of you has to leave, though the children must obviously stay. If you look after the children then you must stay in the house where the children are, therefore, he needs to leave and rent somewhere else for the time being.
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