Cant shake the feeling of loneliness
9 August 2018 at 11:05 pm #14373
I have joined Gingerbread tonight in the hope I may find some like minded souls to help me escape this dark place I feel I keep slipping towards…
I have been a single mum now for exactly 3 years this month, and I think only now is it dawning on me the enormity of what this involves.
I have two lovely children, aged 6 and 3. Their dad lives 200 miles away and has very little involvement in their life. We are divorced but still sorting finances. I’m currently living in a home that I rent from my parents and living off benefits, however I start a part time teaching assistant job in September. My parents are local and I have a good circle of friends. I take regular exercise and keep busy constantly with the home and kids…
On the face of it I know I am lucky… I keep saying to myself ‘things could be a lot worse’ and compared to others in the same boat, I’m doing OK…
Yet, most days, I feel I’m holding back the tears till I can safely cry without anyone seeing. Wanting to scream out that this is not how our life should have been. To take away this awful, crippling, feeling of loneliness everytime a friend or family member has to ‘get back’ to someone. And the constant guilt when I feel like i am just ‘getting through’ each day rather than enjoying and living them.
I want to stop feeling like this and I just hoped that someone might read this who can empathise and maybe help me not feel so alone in this. Thanks x9 August 2018 at 11:29 pm #14375
You are not alone….I have been a single mum for 6 years and it does get better, the feeling I mean. I have my mum nearby and my brother and his family but I don’t have a circle of friends as that part I’m finding difficult as most single mums I meet are very young.
When you start working you will feel better, you will be around people all day then the evenings won’t feel as long and lonely.
I’m lonely and how I deal with my evenings is I make stuff like… Mosaics. I sometimes put some comedy show on and have it as background noise that helps and I feel entertained.
Try not to look back and feel saddened by whats happened think how lucky you are to have what you do have:) I’m glad I am out of my relationship it was better I left for all of us.
Hope this helps x10 August 2018 at 12:00 pm #14386
What can I say.I am orphan got nobody.
My wife left with her college.
I am on my own with a 3 years old son who I would die for any given second.
A fantastic little boy a wonderful human being already.
I am loyal,don’t drink, don’t cheat, keep myself a good honorable man always did,and yet we have been just thrown out like used underwear.
I am literally got nothing.
I left England to go where she came from,gave up everything here just to keep her happy and have a happy life.
Now I am on the cliff,about to come back to England with 2 grand in my pocket without any prospects.No place to go,no income,and nobody to turn to.
So I am just saying that it can be a nightmare.I am crying every single day.I use to be a very strong hard working positive man.Now I broken and being afraid. I tr my best not to show any of this to my Son,but every time I look at him,tears are filling my eyes………………..10 August 2018 at 2:46 pm #14390
Feelings of loneliness are the most common among all of us single parents. I remember last Friday literally everybody I knew was out with their significant other and the one person who I’ve grown close to because they felt lonely too, was out on a date ! Even my annoying neighbour who always knocks on my door and doesn’t leave until I’m literally yawning and dropping so many hints that it’s bed time, was out and about with a new flame !
I literally sat on my sofa and sank into the cushions which have become so soft from the kids bouncing on them that even me sinking into them was just a bitter reminder of my sad life and how much I feel like I’m literally ‘sinking’ at times.
I scrolled through my contacts on WhatsApp and could see that literally everyone I knew was having a good old time and there I was, alone, lost, confused and wondering how my life ended up like this….I mean why couldn’t I have it ALL??
But I’ve realised it’s so easy to sink into this self pity that I do and think everyone has someone but me. My children are 13 years apart and both have different fathers. I get upset that both the fathers have moved on with their lives and managed to meet new people. And here I am still feeling the heartache and turmoil of being left to face the music alone.
The truth is that it’s very tiring being on your own and bringing up children. Tiredness makes you see things differently and sometimes we imagine that everyone is having this amazing time and that we’re stuck here being miserable while the world carries on revolving with all of its couples and happy people. You’d be surprised how many people are actually really unhappy and in relationships, unhappy and don’t have children, in relationships with people who they don’t love and who don’t value them or treat them properly.
Nobody has it all together and nobody is without suffering or loneliness. It is an inevitable part of this life but I can promise you that these emotions and feelings are all TEMPORARY. If a marriage didn’t work but you are still standing and raising your children alone then you have won already and every day that you get up and carry on going and face reality alone, is a successful day.
Take every day as it comes and keep reminding yourself that you are strong, capable, successful and that millions of single parents feel exactly the same as you but we are all living proof that circumstances change, things get better, new and exciting opportunities keep coming our way and most importantly we are doing the most hardest and challenging job in the world and when we grow old we look back and say ‘I struggled but I never let myself or my kids down’ and those feelings of doing right by our children are what gives us our biggest self esteem and inner strength.
There are people out there who have amazing limitless careers, massive houses and all the money and friends anyone could ever want or need, but they can’t have children. Given the chance they would give it all up just to have a taste of what it feels like to have little feet patter into the room and say ‘mummy’ or ‘daddy’. I have met people who look at my kids and the love we share in this house, and they are shocked when I tell them I feel alone or sad at times.
It hurts when you’re alone, yes it does. When you are the mum, dad, cook, cleaner, teacher, nurse, councillor. But I’m telling you its never ever in vain. The joy and pride you will feel as your children grow into the amazing people you raise them to be, the successes they achieve because of all your hard work, the endless amounts of love and gratitude you receive over the years. Children know when you’re doing it alone and they have a very doting way of making you feel very special for it.
You are their rock and you teach them how to be strong, with or without anyone beside you. Now instead of feeling sad and lonely I try and imagine and think of all the lovely things and the lovely partner that will fill this empty space I have now. We won’t be alone for long and the beauty of life is that things always perk up and some of life’s nicest surprises lay right around the corner ! We just have to keep going so we can get to the end of the road and turn that corner ! You will do it x10 August 2018 at 10:38 pm #14397
Thank you all for taking the time out to respond to my post. I can’t tell you how helpful they were to read. Just to know the feelings that I am feeling are normal. That I’m not going mad and wallowing in my own self pity. That I am not alone in this.
Nobody chooses to be in this situation, but here we are in it and I guess we have to make the best of it. And it is so true that being in this situation brings out the best version of yourself.
Thank you again, knowing I am not alone in these feelings means so much
Steph x11 August 2018 at 12:15 am #14400
Darling. It’s so isolating isn’t it. Even though I’m lying here with bother the kids invading my bed. With no adult support in my life I am very much aware that I’m outnumbered and overwhelmed. Too tired even to notice being lonely. I have 2 toddler pre schoolers. I just tell myself there are alot of awful situations people find themselves in on this planet so I must just be great full for my beautiful children. My life suddenly seems pretty good in comparison although the positive perspective doesn’t actually make it any less hard!! I have nothing for u but love any empathy and I’m glad to hear others say it gets easier. I expect once kids get older u can have more of a life and be less lonely. I hope! Anyway if u still awake I’m thinking of you. U are lonely but not alone xx12 August 2018 at 1:16 pm #14412
I’ve been a single dad for 8 years, my daughter is 8…and don’t I know it! Moved to Suffolk 2 years ago in the hope of breaking isolation, if that could even make sense? Was hoping for a better quality of life for us. We are in a beautiful part of the world however people are pretty unsiciable to a point of rudness. The school runs is awful. I feel the only way we can fight our loneliness and become happy parents is to find each other and have some laughs…How do we do this?27 August 2018 at 5:40 am #15020
I am feeling all kind of scare right now.
It is only a few weeks left and we are on the way back to England.I am not finding the thoughts and words how to explain my son that that his mother is not with us and why.
I made a plan how to approach things when we back.Go to the Citizens Advice Bureau first and than given by what they say carry on with the steps they tell me what to do but I still full with questions and fears.
It is going to be hard I know but I do not know how it is going to be.Finding money income untill we can get any benefits coming through and proper accomodation is my biggest fears of course.
Having only little money in the pocket makes me feel helpless and desperate.God only knows why things like this happens to a person but I finding this way to cruel whatever sins I have ever commited which I am not aware of.-because as far as I know I have been living a clean, straight normal life trying to do the entire best in my life.Never cheated,never been disloyal, I was trying to do everything in order to make my family happy.In our entire life together we had about 10-15 arguments over a ten years of period.I took everything like a man.I iron,clean,wash,diswash, I was cooking as she doesn’t know how to cook never learned.Doing the shopping all the bloody things I ever could and still it was not good enough.I am a loving and good father that she always admited so for the love of God what else did I miss?I try to keep myself fit and maybe even desireable and yet she goes off with some Guy because she said: It just happened,people love out of each other……..You are a fantastic Man……
what a big bunch of bull
So yes I am 44 years old man who is broken down by heart,life and every other thing you can name. I have a 3 year old son I love more than my own life and have to start my life again build everything with having nothing…….
All I know that I must do try, must look ahead and do what ever I can….I do not want to see my son go hungry,being cold and unhappy
How am I going to be able to do this? I do not have a single clue yet…..2 July 2021 at 7:27 pm #56111
Hello I’m 37 with a 16 year old and a 5 month old .. I love being a mum but I’m so lonely at times. It’s a scary feeling that deep down you only have yourself to fall back on , to support yourself , there is family around there is the odd friend around but nobody really has my back , be nice to have someone to look after me . Xx2 July 2021 at 7:31 pm #56112
It will get easier .. baby steps , take each day as it comes and each day he will smile a little bit more and things will get a little bit easier and one day you will completely forget the monstrosity of your ex 🤣🤣 you will eventually go on to meet somebody else and I bet you anything she will be jealous as hell (evil laugh)
you sound like a lovely person. All the best xx2 July 2021 at 9:15 pm #56113
Hope you’ll get better with all these comments from wonderful single parents!
Yes this is a common problem for all of us. But as you said you are so lucky coz you mentioned some good points.
My son is 6 years old now and he understands the situation very well, I always keep myself positive but I’m on my own and lonely, so you aren’t alone on this.
Though I got an issue to find new friends! Unfortunately I can’t trust them easily! I’d many controversies and difficulties with my ex!
this is how I’m now but I’m so happy with it.
We are alone but happy to have brave and marvelous kids.
Ali,2 July 2021 at 11:40 pm #56117
Thankyou all for still taking the time to respond to my original post back in August 2018… wow, almost 2 years ago!
I just thought I’d write to say those feelings were very real at the time, i couldn’t see how to change the situation I was in, and I truly was desperately lonely, even though I have been blessed with 2 delightful children.
But, as with everything in life, things do change. Sometimes this is from our own making, sometimes it’s just fate and sometimes life just takes over. I am now busy holding down 2 fulfilling jobs which has enabled me to meet lots of interesting people, and I have also met a lovely, kind and caring man who has been in my life for 18 months now.
To those of you reading my original post now and relating to what I said…. this will pass. It doesn’t feel like it will when you are in it, but it will. Nothing stays the same forever, good and bad. Remember that and stay positive… this will pass! X