Can’t get over heartbreak 4 years on

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  • #46733 Report

    Hon16
    Participant

    Hi, I have wanted to write a post for a while just for some advice or help really. I was with my ex for 6 years. We had a lovely life and home together and had our beautiful boy in 2016. Eight weeks after he was born my ex told me he didn’t know if he loved me anymore. A very very long story short, he moved on with a girl he works with who is a lot younger than me and they had a baby together this year. I have tried to move on, and even though life does go on and I have to suck it up for my sons sake, I am really struggling and just can’t forgive or forget. There’s a lot that has happened and I have found out a long the way. I can’t come to terms with being alone, sharing my child with someone who he left me for, just so many feelings and emotions of hate, upset, anger and guilt. I dated for a bit but the person I finally thought I had feelings for turned out to be a narcissist and I had such an awful time which broke me even more. I can’t tell you a day in the last 4 years where I have felt completely happy and haven’t cried. I’m so sick of feeling this way but I’m struggling to snap out of it. I just need some help or guidance really from others who have been through or going through something similar as feeling very lost and I think this year has been even tougher due to the lockdowns etc.  Thank you for reading x

    #46738 Report

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Hon,

    It sounds like you’re holding on a lot of anger and giving your ex and the narcissist  a lot of your time and headspace.

    Focus on you for a while and make sure you’re looking after  yourself.

    If things get really bad try using the helpline on here for support or you could try one of these:

    Helplines | Mind, the mental health charity – help for mental health problems | Mind, the mental health charity – help for mental health problems

    Many people are struggling more than they normally would under  lockdown, and I think talking to someone would help, cause it sounds like you’ve had a lot to cope with over long period of time.

    Maybe 2021 will be your  year and you’ll be free of the things that are stopping you moving forward… so give yourself a little time to work on you and become the kind of  person you want to met.

    Things will get better.

    #46744 Report

    neenee87
    Participant

    keep strong and focus on you and your son

    It can be hard but time is a healer and it will get better, try some meditation i find it helpful.

    one day you will meet someone nice, but right now just focus on your self development

    #46757 Report

    Adam_1982
    Participant

    Emotions are part of human nature but are not always helpful. I think the best way to feel better is to try and get yourself in a calm state of mine and be a bit more analytical about that relationship. Was it really as good as you say? Did you forsake things you enjoyed for that relationship? Really dig down and think about that. Maybe there were some things that weren’t that great about it, could you have done anything better in hindsight? Not saying you are in anyway to blame but we can only look inwards at what we could have done better etc. We can’t control the actions of someone else. I found even random things like shopping in different supermarkets and changing habits I had fallen into useful. Good luck, good that you have said though you are sick of feeling this way, we have to make a conscious choice to try to start feeling better.

    #46759 Report

    Hon16
    Participant

    Thank you for all your replies. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and respond. Some days I feel very alone, even though I have friends and family, a good job, own home etc. I do try to focus on the positives as much as I can. It’s just good to come to a safe place to help get a different perspective from people who won’t judge. It just gets too much for me to deal with alone and I feel like I should have at least moved on by now. So thank you for your supportive comments x

    #46862 Report

    Robyn123
    Participant

    So sorry to hear you feel this way. My husband has just left me and our 4month old baby after I caught him having an affair with a girl from his work. He then coldly told me he had lost feelings for me and that the marriage is over.

     

    He seems to have little interest in our daughter and I feel frustrated that I am left feeling heartbroken while he seems to be carrying on as usual.

     

    I have good support but think about him a lot. I always think of the good times and I am grieving the family life I thought we would have. In reality I think this was a blessing in disguise that I find out now instead of in years to come after waiting more time with him.

    I have wrote down all of the things that hurt me and remind myself of them when I start thinking of him.

    We don’t deserve to waste our lives thinking of these loosers. You’re not alone, you deserve to be happy. Try and let go of the hurt as hard as it is otherwise you won’t have room for happiness. Make yourself and your children the priority. Make a list of what you want in life and what would make you happy and give yourself a plan to make it happen. Please don’t waste another second thinking of him. I know it is tough but like I said you are not alone and you deserve happiness remember that and your children deserve a happy mum. All the best ❤

    #47487 Report

    Hjoanna34
    Participant

    Hi, I know this feeling all too well. I think a big part of it is that we haven’t learned to let go of the past and haven’t moved on ourselves with someone we can start a new life with. I think if I met somebody nice that I really loved and who treated me right then it would help me let go. I go over the bad things my ex did to me and put me through over and again. We broke up 2 years ago and I’m still hurt and can’t seem to get over everything that happened, he put me through hell when we were together and also during the breakup. He got straight into a new relationship and straight away she got pregnant. This broke me. He hardly bothers with our daughter which is another thing that bothers me and I am constantly anxious and upset. I want to move on and be happy but it just doesn’t seem to be happening, even more so due to the pandemic. It seems so unfair that he has a new family and he is the reason ours was ruined.x

    #47494 Report

    Mike86
    Participant

    Hi Hon16,

    I’m very sorry to hear about your situation. Heartbreak is so difficult to get over.

    I discovered my wife was having an affair 2 weeks ago, we argued and she left. Leaving behind  me and our 4 year old son.

    I’ve been devastated since then and I don’t know how to cope with the pain.

    She has also been very uncooperative and didn’t bother with our son for 5 days. She is trying now and it’s all such a mess.

    I’m here if you ever want/need to talk.

    #47649 Report

    Gummibear123
    Participant

    I feel for your pain but can never understand why ppl think they shld be ‘getting over’ heartbreak and ‘moving on’. If you’re hearts been broken you’re gna feel broken.No different than a broken leg to my mind.It will feel better when you have something that fills the place that’s a hole now.Untill then,you will  live with that pain every day,after some time it doesn’t feel so central but it never completely goes away.Sometimes ppl who’ve suffered heartbreak are more whole human beings for their brokeness.When my life was fine & dandy I didn’t have that much compassion for others & was a lot more judgemental than I like to think I am currently.But that took me Years.

    You might get through your pain easier if you treat yourself kindly,you deserve it, and let it take as long as it takes.

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