Can’t find or afford childcare
7 February 2018 at 10:32 pm #7486
to cut a long story short I’m single with two children to my ex husband. My kids are 5&10. My ex has until this week taken the kids to school on the two days I work and picked them up on one of the days plus had them two nights a week. This week he’s decided he won’t do it anymore as it helps me out and I don’t deserve it.
Anyway, I really cannot afford to pay for childcare and there’s also no childminders in my area that will drop off at school and have my kids from 7am which is what I need. (I can use after school club for childcare at teatime but I can’t really afford that either)
He pays me just under what would be expected from the CSA so it’s not really worth claiming from them and he refuses to contribute towards childcare too.
Im really struggling financially and my hours aren’t flexible at work so I can’t change my start time either.
i don’t really know where to turn for help or advice and just wondered if anybody had found themselves in a similar position and could offer advice xx7 February 2018 at 10:43 pm #7489
I’m worried csa payments may end up being less as he’s recently changed jobs and I don’t know his income.
He said he’ll have the children two days tar suit him as to not help me out. He’s very bitter about the whole separation even though it was three years ago and is adamant he won’t do anything that benefits me.
I’ve made it clear how it will affect the children but he says that it’s my fault for leaving him and had I not done it then the kids would be fine8 February 2018 at 6:14 am #7494
I’ve done a job search and there’s no salary attached to the job advert. He’s a HGV tech and I don’t know if he’s taken a drop by going from supervisor you technican or if he’s still supervisor.
I’vr got everything in black and white as all contact has been via text message.
Access is a difficult one as he works permanent nights on a 4 on 4 off rota so I’ve tried to create a rota which covers childcare but as you can probably imagine most of the time it doesn’t.
I’m so angry and let down by him and although I won’t do this I can see why some parents stop all contact8 February 2018 at 6:22 am #7495
Hi in addition to what Anonymous has said, if this is going to be a longer term arrangement (you need stability in order to organise yourself and the kids) then ask your employer if they are part of a childcare voucher scheme, basically they deduct an amount from your salary prior to taxing so you pay less tax, this doesn’t affect child tax credits. My knowledge on universal credit is minimal. I’ve also asked my daughters friends mum to help me out then I’ll have her kids over one evening for her or maybe let them come at the weekend which gives her some time to herself, hope this helps8 February 2018 at 6:45 am #7496
Thanks for the replies so far. My employer is part of this scheme so I’ll have a look what works best.
The only mums that I talk to at school all work full time or opposite days to me so the Monday and Thursdays that were at school they’re not usually there.
My ex’s messages have become abusive since last night which I’m trying not to respond to.8 February 2018 at 6:46 am #7497
Also to add. All my other friends/family don’t live in the same town to me as I moved town when I separated from my ex8 February 2018 at 8:29 am #7500
The only thing he’s said which is threatening is “you’ve ****** it” meaning he’s going to make my life difficult. He was physically abusive in our marriage but he’s never threatened to hurt me in his texts.8 February 2018 at 2:18 pm #7511
Hi there I agree with Anonymous. I had problems with my ex and on solicitor’s advice contacted police as we were a vulnerable family. Also I had an occupation order against him.
re CSA you would be entitled to more as you’re having the kids 24/7. He or you could apply for a variation . He will have to provide at least 3 pay slips and they will look at P60 for last financial year.
it seems to me that he wants to control you? Best wishes8 February 2018 at 2:19 pm #7512
No I don’t really have anybody who could do the handover.
I’ve cut the story really short as to not bore people but he was physically and mentally abusive during our marriage and drank an awful lot. His alcohol problem became much worse when we separated and he has been unreliable, absusive and generally a pain. Because of how he was we got a referral to social services as I attended my GP feeling fed up and happened to mention some of his behaviour when in turn she made a referral to social services.
That was a year ago and since he’s been ok but unreliable. Last week I happened to mention to him that he sent my daughter home in clothes for a 3 year old (when she’s nearly 6) and my son was dirty and smelled when I collected him from my dads (my ex had taken him there for the night to see his grandad) and when I collected him on the Saturday he still had school uniform on and was filthy. I felt like it was my duty as a responsible parent to mention this to him and he’s said that I’m a disgrace of a mother for making him live away from his kids and making him feel like a bad parent, something I’ve never ever said. That’s a very condensed version and doesn’t cover half the problems but this is why he’s suddenly changed his tune8 February 2018 at 2:21 pm #7513
He’s not refusing to have the kids he said he’ll Still have them two days when it suits him but he just refuses to help out taking them to school and collecting them on the days I work. Something he’s always done but he said he doesn’t want to do anything that helps me out9 February 2018 at 10:53 am #7526
No, my dad’s disabled and can’t get over.
my ex has always been a little like this, it’s not new behaviour.
It’s not the first time he’s taken my son to my dads with no clothes even though I’ve spoken to him about it before. He says he doesn’t need them as he’s going to bed not long after he gets there. He’s got really sh**ty standards but he’ll say it’s me that has high expectations and he does his best. They’re usually clean when they come back from his, and they enjoy going but complain of being bored as he doesn’t do anything with them.9 February 2018 at 6:26 pm #7532
I’m currebtly looking into a completely different job, it’s not ideal but my needs and wants are secondary to the children’s.
he can’t see a problem with his care and he thinks I’m being unreasonable. I know I’m going off subject a little but he pleaded poverty when I mentioned the Kids clothes, he said he couldn’t afford to clothe them as he gives me all his money. (I get £350 a month from him, he earns £33k) and his partner lives with him so they have two incomes. But he’s just bought a puppy, I can’t bring myself to speak to him when he can buy a dog but won’t clothe his kids9 February 2018 at 7:37 pm #7535
I’m a theatre nurse and my start hours are well and truly fixed. I start at 8am and I work 10 miles from home, it takes me about 50 mins to get there. Breakfast club doesn’t open until 730 so that’s out of the question. I’ve contacted a few childminders with no luck so far, I’m waiting for one more to reply.9 February 2018 at 10:04 pm #7543
In the process of texting what few friends I have at school that could possibly manage it. My dad lives in a different town so can’t get to us. Yeah the ten miles in 50 mins is a joke, sometimes it takes longer but I have to travel through sheffield. The later I set off the longer it takes10 February 2018 at 3:45 pm #7547
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Is there a court order in place regarding contact (i.e. when and how often)?