Cannabis smoking dad

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  • #55864 Report

    Meatball
    Participant

    Hello.  I’m currently going through divorce. Our mediation sessions start next week. We have two children aged 4 and 7. My soon yo be exhusband is habitual cannabis user. I have said I will not deny him seeing the children once we has moved out (refusing to budge until a financial settlement is reached), but I am not prepared to allow them to stay overnight with him until he stops smoking completely.  I don’t believe he has any intention on quitting but instead says he will not smoke when he sees them. I’m still not happy with this as it’ll still be in his system, I don’t let him drive them at the moment and still wouldn’t like him too, plus his new home is likely to stink of the stuff. I can’t imagine the mediator will agree to this either. Has anyone else been in this situation? What was the outcome?  He also takes antidepressants,  he refused therapy because he was told to stop smoking pot, he drinks alcohol sometimes too. He is also being difficult over the frequency of contact. I think alternate weekends and one or two evenings per week (either in person or virtual) is reasonable and practical. I think he is going to push for every weekend or a day each.  On top of this he is not represented by a solicitor because he had lots of debt (no prizes for guessing what he spent his money on!), but is using a McKenzie Friend,  who i suspect is an unqualified friend and I worry is just going to make a mess of things.  Has anyone encountered one of these? To be honest I’d rather he have a solicitor ! Although he denies it, he has a temper too.

    #55866 Report

    Leanne1
    Participant

    quick question; did he smoke cannabis when you two were together? Or when the children were born? In the house, garden, car etc?

    if so, I wouldn’t be using that against him. It could backfire on you.

    #55869 Report

    Meatball
    Participant

    Yes, he has always used it but I have always been against it. We had years of infertility treatment when trying for our daughter now 7 and he stopped then ( as far as I know), but restarted once she was born. We had in fertility treatment a second time when trying for our son but refused to give up then. We’ve attended marriage counselling twice and I raised my dislike of it but he continued. Its one of the main reasons for divorce.  He doesn’t smoke in the home or around the kids but he keeps it in the home. It smells and so does he. My daughter has commented he has a funny smell which concerns me. A couple of times she has smelt people smoking a joint when we have been out and she has said “smells like daddy”. Why would it backfire on me? It’s illegal in the first instance.  It has affected his moods, until starting divorce he didn’t spend much time with the kids, now he is super dad,  he mixes it with other drugs (antidepressants and alcohol), not a good combination, plus affected finances as he has always put the weed first. Surely he can’t get away with it?

    #57256 Report

    Meatball
    Participant

    Further to my original post, we have had a couple of mediation meetings.  He claims to have quit weed two weeks ago and alcohol.  Decided to go cold turkey.  He continues to take antidepressants and has also just been prescribed sleeping tablets.  He has also opted for counselling.  My problem is a trust issue.  With the right audience,  such as the mediator, he is very good and turning on the water works and giving a good sob story, whilst making me out to be the cold, nasty person in the relationship.  Behind closed doors he is aggressive and moody, calls me every name under the sun etc. I have agreed to let him see the children regularly but he cannot drive them nor have overnight stays until he is clean. We agreed after three months. I don’t trust him and think he will revert back to regular daily pot smoking once the divorce/ childcare matters are settled.  I am keen on drug testing,  ideally random. Has anyone experience of this?

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