Can I force anger management counselling before contact is started.
5 September 2020 at 12:48 pm #43548
I’ve recently left a rather emotionally challenging relationship. My concern is my near two year olds wellbeing.
Long story short his father through out our relationship would cheat and lie. When I had suspicions he would act out, turn it around on me with emotional outbursts, that I had trust issues, didnt trust him, how I had no proof and that I make him feel like crap. Then the proof came and he would then turn the hurt I was feeling into he now feels shit, I couldn’t talk about it with him and he would give me silent treatment for a couple of days. His emotional outburst were him either punching him self in face, headbutting or hitting himself with objects in the head/face area, punching the wall ect. This was rather upsetting to watch as he would cause injury to himself at times.
I Decided to end things as he began doing these things in front of our baby and being near 2 year old l,he was mimicking the hitting himself in face. This really starting putting things into perspective for me.
I would ask as a normal person in a relationship for him to help out around the house, we both worked the same amount of hours and would be met with an mini outburst, I made a few friends in my new job and during the lead up to me asking him to leave he just randomly came out with while we were in bed he wishes for me not to shared what I found funny at work with him or infact anything I find funny as I’m wasting his time. But he would daily tell me about his day. This really threw me but I kinda was use to his stupid little jives at me.
A few weeks leading up to me asking him to leave he was doing this sulking thing on sofa on days with days not moving off it, if I went out for a walk hounding me, checking my times matched up. Started niggling at my children from my previous relationship who are a teen and near teens. This got my back up even more. A few days before I asked him to leave it had gotten to 2weeks of him mopping on sofa, get in from work, sit on sofa, sleep on sofa and repeat. He didnt wash, change his clothes for 6 days, I approached this he blamed me, stating he is doing as I wish. He turned that i had said to keep away from me as me telling him couldn’t as at times I was in bedroom and he said this meant he couldn’t use bathroom on same level. even tho i went to work on days and he was home alone. The reason I asked him to keep away from me was he had an emotional outburst, I asked him to stop it, was met with “this is me, how I’ve been my whole life, I will not change” I told him to keep away from me if he is going to behave like this, as its ridiculous and he should grow up and adult as a father.
A few days leading up to me asking him to leave, he was clearly in a mood, our son needed a soiled nappy changed, I told him daddy will do it, he went to change him, our son kicked out his leg as he age group do having melt downs, his dad slapped his leg so hard it left welts in his thigh. I obviously lost my shit at this and it was decided that was it!!!
I ended the relationship as I felt it was too much toxicity and I want my children living in a happy relaxed home environment.
He has now been gone for nearly a month. I’ve been trying to sort contact and share childcare as we use to so we could both work.
He has now said he cant help with child arrangements as needs one of his weekends free as he “may need to work a few hours on a Saturday” I expressed that we are both responsible for our son, this was them met with abuse and outburst that he will quit his job and give up his new flat as I want him to have his son weekends so I can work, and he know I really want him to do this. I never said no such thing or implied it, just said we both have homes to pay for and our son is entitled to have two financially stable parents. I pushed on the sunday and kept being met with him, giving up his home, Job ect as this is what he believes I want over and over again. I decided to ignore this nonsense.
I ask for his address the following morning as it was arranged for him to have his son. This was met with I have no address I’ve given my flat up, that I need to stop playing games he told me he was doing so.
I at this point am exhausted from this nonsense, I told him he is behaving erratic from just being asked to have his son so we can both work.
I just do not understand his behaviour, I have been reflecting the past few weeks, the longer I’m away from him the more concerned I become as this is how he behaved in front of me, he lashed out at our toddler in frustration in front of me, at the time I thought because of our relationship and he done so out of stress and frustration he was feeling, this dosent make it okay either.
Now i just feel worry of that this was in front of me, would he do it again I’ve left my job as I’m feeling cornered about his emotional outburst and how he was behaving just because I asked him to have his son. He has recently asked to have him, but I’m hesitant now.
Do I have any legal standing on him getting help with anger management before he has contact alone? My head is all over the place, the longer I’m away from him, the more I reflect which may sound silly. But the reflecting,the more I realise he needs help.
I have had to call then police in past due to some of his out burst, I just dont know of I’m over reacting with the reflecting I’m doing.
Just so confused, I want what’s best for my little one.