Can I afford this?
27 August 2021 at 6:23 am #58233
Hi I am 43 year old who’s just found out I am pregnant. This is my first time! The father doesn’t want anymore children .im on a good salary but have a shared ownership.. im worried due to child care costs can I afford mortgage and child care costs .. I would go back to work in 6 months after baby was born but have to be part-time as can’t afford to go back full time … I am entitled to UC with reduced hours and child benefit but with my morrgage and child care I am in a deficit so can’t afford it as I completed a benefit calculation.. due to this I am heartbroken and I have no option but not to have this baby which is breaking me as I think I do want to be a mum as hard as this will be. I just don’t know what other options I have as I feel this is so unfair now .. is there anyone else out there who could advise me please ?27 August 2021 at 8:40 am #58235
Hun I’m going tobsay this only once…nobody absolutely nobody can afford these kids nowadays not even in the past, but when you feel those kicks or when you stare at this bundle of cuteness, you will make it work because of all that love. The man well all I can say is do you really need someone who is going to damper this for you. Yes it will be hard nothing in this life is good if it comes easy to us. But everything is doable. I know I say this a lot but writing list gets your stuff in order then just relax momma and have a cuppa, in a few years your going to have a grown son or daughter sitting with you and loving you for the decisions you made now. You can do this hun your blessed and uber fertile ☺❤27 August 2021 at 9:22 am #58242
Firstly congratulations on the pregnancy. I’m sorry that it’s came with this rocky situation.
As the above poster has mentioned raising a family is generally expensive and will take some adjustment.
Which leads me to my next point you may think things won’t work out financially but generally they do, I can’t lie that things will be tough and you may have to learn to adapt to having less of an income but there are loads of provisions in place that can provide support to you.
Calling the helpline would be your first protocol in my opinion and see what they can say. I know that under UC they can support you paying the rent part of your shared ownership property which I don’t know if you are aware of.
Universal Credit also provides help with childcare costs up to 85% or £646 (or thereabouts for one child) I’m sorry if I am mentioning things you are already aware of.
Obviously it is your decision on what’s your next route but whatever it is don’t ever feel ashamed and as you have done keep seeking support and advice as the worst thing anyone can do is bottle it up.
I do hope everything works out for you 😊27 August 2021 at 9:37 am #58243
Thank you I will look into this further then27 August 2021 at 11:47 am #58251
Vintagedresser is totally right, i’m yet to meet another parent who hasn’t struggled to afford kids, .. even the well off, typically just end up spending on their kids. Some of the greatest minds & positive changemakers come from single parent homes :)…. it’s not like the Eton boys are renowned for their well-balanced personalities or getting anything right!!
Congratulations on your baby, mortgage & great job, you are at lot more stable than many at the school gates with what you have achieved so far :)… worrying about money or worrying about everything… you already sound like a great & typical mum 🙂
sometimes the calculators can miss bits & pieces, and are not always aware of all funds or local support available too. Gingerbread helpline is great, they can discuss the details of the financial support available & how to apply too. also worth a look on your local council website – some have additional funds/ grants or discounts. Really worth a look for your local children’s centre/hub or sure start centre; usually they have the most advice about support, clubs, activities available locally.
might be worth knowing the childcare costs support is tiered/means tested & paid in arrears, so its worth putting a bit aside as you’ll still have to pay for childcare first.
Nothing wrong with buying second hand or at NCT baby class sales too 🙂
– for the birth, especially if you are a worrier, hypnobirthing (with the hypnobirthing institute) can be a great investment that pays off (lots can be available free too). made a huge difference to my pregnancy, much calmer & confident & gave skills or birthing & life!! 🙂 highly recommend 🙂
everyone feels enormous pressure & worries too much with their first xx things can work out for you xx27 August 2021 at 1:02 pm #58258
I could loose this house if I have this baby .. I’m at my lowest right now tiday .. can’t stop crying as I think I have no choice to not have this baby now x27 August 2021 at 1:38 pm #58261
Im sorry you are going through so much, do feel free to private message me if you want27 August 2021 at 1:55 pm #58263
Sorry to hear you are feeling overwhelmed and low about this.
– you might not necessarily loose the mortgage or your home; lots of options out there, just a case of finding the right support & info.
Pre & post-natal anxiety is very real, i had so much anxiety with the first. it can be very normal, you have more hormones during pregnancy in 9 months than a teenage boy through years of puberty 🙂 Its alright to have moments it feels too much xx
– PANDAS are the best for emotional support & will have links to local support too – they are experts & qualified to help x – couldn’t of got through the first without them 🙂27 August 2021 at 4:14 pm #58276
aha sorry, i just realise i mis read a bit… kids jumping around me! 🙂 my apologies… reading properly now you are feeling that you have no choice not to have the baby.
If you really don’t want a child, you don’t have to have a baby under any circumstance.
maybe bare in mind in your first post you wrote that you would be heartbroken not no have the child & you feel this is your last chance. also this is a single parent support forum, so it’s full of people that have kept pregnancies, so your more than likely going to get affirmative support than anyone telling you that you can’t do this.
Its totally normal to get waves of panic. my first was planned & still had moments i panicked, so some of this could just be hormones too as much as worry about your situation.
If you really don’t want this child, this is totally alright too, whatever you decide. Most important is to make the choice for you, rather than fear & lack of support.27 August 2021 at 4:47 pm #58277
My name is Sandra and I am one of the moderators – I am going to send you a private message. I can see you have had some amazing support from some of other incredible single parents on our forum, but I can hear you are having a really tough time and I hope you get some support to find a way through
best wishes and stay safe