So I’m now just over 13 weeks pregnant. The dad and I are really, really off and on and I can see it ending pretty soon. We don’t live together but he’s been quite supportive
Anyway, he has two young children (about 3yo now) from a one night stand he had just before we met. He’s always said he hates the mum, barely knows her, they had sex once, doesn’t want anything to do with her so they have no contact at all. He tells me he pays maintenance. I’ve always disagreed with his reaction on this, to not want to step up, be involved, and be an active dad (even said he doesn’t even have to see her or speak to her to arrange this) but he won’t listen to me. And there’s not much more I can do. But this is one of the reasons we have been so up and down. I don’t want to raise my child with it not knowing about it’s step brother and sister?
I’m digressing. But my question is if we do end up splitting for good and he decides he wants the child to stay at his etc, can I deny that? Because he hasn’t bothered with the others? And by the way of course I wouldn’t deny access, but what are his actual rights in this situation? Same as any other one?
He will get weekend access at the most. I presume you mean half brother not step. I think once your child is older she can ask her father to see her sister/brother. I would get details of the ladys location and maybe you can find them on social media in the future.
When your little one is born, your ex-partner, would normally be given access, a couple of hours at a time when newborn, up to over-night stays when maybe 2 or 3yo. At that point he could apply for 50:50 custody but that would involve either reorganising his working hours/life etc to accommodate your little one, or hiring childcare to cover working hours. He may not wish to do that and might prefer EOW instead.
As for access to his other children, if he has never bothered to build a relationship with them, he cannot just expect access. The mum would be sensible to protect her children from such emotional upheaval. He would have to go to court, be given an access order and then build a rapport gradually. Obviously, introducing a half sister into that might take a bit more thought.
Thanks so much everyone, really appreciate the advice. Yeah it’s a real sha,e about his previous kids, I didn’t get why he’d dump them but expect access to ours immediately? I think he’s trying to get clever to avoid paying me too much.
That’s another thing, he’s on quite a large wage and is self employed but he said to me that to avoid the other woman (mother of his two previous) getting decent money he has to move money around so that the CSA couldn’t check properly and I’m concerned he might do that with me, if that’s how he thinks….thoughts? Xx