can 50/50 physical custody work
16 July 2019 at 2:59 pm #27719
hi has anyone on here made 50/50 physical custody work. by physical i mean actual contact not an agreed thing on paper concerned with rights. i mean 50% of the child’s time is spent with one parent and 50% with the other obviously this is very hard to be totally accurate given 7 days in a week and all the other variables. Myself and my now ex have a 1.5 year old we both feel we have a lot to give him so we have agreed 50/50 but im scratching my head as to whether this will be good for him we will live a short (10min drive from each other) or wether this may make him feel insecure like he has no place to live.
im interested in everyone’s opinion those who’ve tried and it didnt work those who tried and it did and those who just have an opinion or any psychologist on here who have thoughts on a child effectively living in two places.
I guess we are both being fairly selfish wanting our share of him but we both more than anything want him to be happy grounded secure and want him to feel loved by both of us. i know i always had one home i still call it home now should he stay in one property the majority of the time just stopping at my house the occasional 1 or 2 nights a week we just do not know where to start…. We haven’t moved into separate homes yet but it is not far away…..
thank you for taking the time to read your opinion is appreciated what ever it is16 July 2019 at 4:30 pm #27721
I have a friend who had their dd 50% of the time from the age of 4.
Dad didn’t need to work and mum worked from home in her own business. They lived about 10 miles apart, both owned their own homes. It seemed to work quite well.
Having said that, I knew the child when she was in her teens and she seemed a bit “rudderless”. It’s hard to describe. She was lovely but at one point she was self harming and was lacking in confidence.
That may have been down to her school or normal teen stuff. Sorry, that’s not much help.18 July 2019 at 12:15 pm #27915
Have done this since the age of 2/3 (our son is now 6). Before that it was trying various things including only having him weekends as she wanted to have him midweek, then the suggestion of reversing it as she complained of not having quality time but she wouldnt do that either so eventually 50/50 is what worked best for us. While in many separationx it is not possible, if you are in a semi amicable situation where you are able to do this then I would urge you to try as it really does benefit the child if both parents want to see him and make efforts to be part of their life equally. If you both live 10 minutes away it should be even easier. I live an hour away from mine at the moment and still do the school run when it’s my turn to have him midweek so it’s totally possible, it just takes a lot of co-ordination to begin with and good communication before it becomes routine. We tried to sort it as every other weekend and a couple of days midweek and that seems to work quite well..(as you said you cant divide it exact with 5 days midweek but just make it as equal as possible and account for flexibility maybe 2 days one week and 3 days the following) occasionally I will have him longer or to cover when needed so it can vary but that as a minimum. This way both parents take turn having quality time on the weekend and do the before and after school routine. You need to nominate one place as their main residence but your child wont see it that way if you do it right as they will just feel they have two homes as long as they are made equally welcome in both.
The one thing I would say is that commutes can be tiring for them at an earlier age especially so just to bear that in mind. If you haven’t yet had mediation this is something you may want to discuss there but don’t let the argument of where the main residence come into it too much, let the focus on both of you being able to see your child as much as possible.18 July 2019 at 4:12 pm #27984
thank you for taking the time to respond i cant say how much it is appreciated it does make me feel more positive about things