Buying a house on my own
7 February 2019 at 10:07 am #20703
I split with my ex in August and am still living with him and our daughter while I try and buy a house for me and my daughter to live in. I’m struggling with this big time at the moment. I feel immense pressure to create a new life for me and my daughter and make it as painless as possible for her, as well as working two jobs and looking after a house that no longer belongs to me. Fortunately the ex is not a vindictive man, and it’s mostly amicable, but I am desperate to make a new home and start a proper life. Has anyone else been in this situation?7 February 2019 at 1:11 pm #20715
My situation was similar in that it was kind of a declaration of her change in feelings that resulted in effectively living seperate lives under the same roof for a year while trying to focus on our son before something forced the issue and I felt it was impossible to stay. When I did move out it was temporarily with family and then been renting ever since. Prior to the divorce we transfered mortgage over to her as my son was to stay there as the “family home” and near school etc, and as part of decree absolute we did a consent order that assured we were both completely financially independant and so applying for loans or mortgages didnt take other persons debts or income into the equation.
I did look into buying but as we had bought our place previously in joint names I didnt qualify as a first time buyer so the lack of mortgages available made things very difficult as I had next to no savings once we had separated as it had been used to clear car loan and other debt. Disposable income was at a minimum but at least I wasnt in the red.
Although renting is effectively dead money cause you dont have an asset to show for it, it does offer flexibility if you move jobs and while you are trying to work out how much you can afford when on your own it’s far easier to downsize or upsize than if you were tied into a mortgage if your independant situation is variable which depending on your work might have to factor commute between thereand your kids other parent’s and their school for example…I found that fuel costs were something I had to factor in and moved 3 times since separation while finding that balance….sometimes while moving for example rent can vary enormously within a small area and even finding places to rent that are suitable and affordable can be a challenge….the first place I found for example I had to move from as the neighbour had someone move in that made it impossible for me to take my child there so I had to find somewhere else very quickly which would have been far more difficult had I not been renting. While in the process of splitting up and trying to find a suitable home for my son for my half of custody that was safe, affordable and oractical in terms of commute…as well as the intricacies of the separation itself, then a mortgage is something I was glad I didnt do. Now that things are stable however its certainly something I want to look into purely as itd potentially be a lot cheaper as well as having control over my own home as renting always gives you the feeling its not yours with inspections and having other people with keys, relying on landlord to get round to fixing stuff etc… Initially however it’s something that I spent too much time thinking about when basic cashflow and practicalities of the working arrangement was enough to get right first.
Hope that helps..
Feel free to chat7 February 2019 at 5:52 pm #20721
I would like to get a mortgage of my own but work part-time so would unlikely be approved for one. Am staying in our mortgaged home for a 2 yr separation, the hubby is moving out when he has enough money for rent. 2 yrs down the line i may not be Able to afford to buy him out which scares me…good luck with getting sorted have you spoken to a financial advisor?, you’ve done well to last this long sharing with your ex. We split the begin of Jan and he wants to be out next month.7 February 2019 at 5:56 pm #20722
Welshdad, thank you for your response. It looks like I’m going to be able to buy the house I want for me and my daughter. 🙂
How did you cope living with your ex that long?!7 February 2019 at 6:01 pm #20723
Kanger1, thank you for your response. It’s not been easy living with him, but luckily he goes to his parent’s house most of the time. I got free advise from Cooper Associates and CAB early on, which gave me some idea of how to go about all this. It’s so hard doing it on your own!7 February 2019 at 7:00 pm #20725
Back then it was a case of hoping things would improve and that things said were a result of her state of mind at the time but a year later and trying to be supportive some things were said that although forgiven could never be forgotten and meant there could never be a reconcile. We are at the stage now after divorce etc where we can communicate without conflict as long as it’s not about the past and focuses on our son’s future which is something we both consider lucky. To answer your question about managing for so long, it was purely trying to support her through her difficulties but also cause me being unhappy at the time I felt was preferable to spending any time away from my son. In hindsight it was flawed thinking as even at that age he could tell things weren’t right and was making his own attempts to comfort his dad. He knows now his mum and I are happier apart and he is stable and very happy within himself. Knowing where he was and what was happening and that conflict would end and people he cared about were happy was far more important to him than both parents being together…I felt this was quite a thing for a young kid to get, and a bit sad, but shows he could tell things were wrong. I think it shows that staying together for sake of the kids is never a good solution as they pick up on everything.
Great news about the house, am excited for you. Hope you manage to make a great fresh start together.
🙂7 February 2019 at 8:30 pm #20727
Hi, I am sold and no longer consider the house my home, I feel like I am renting & only keeping clean & tidy for the buyers (ex moved out Aug Bhol, don’t know where he is but know the other woman who he swore blind didn’t exist now seems to have made an appearance). We are v lucky, as I can’t get a mortgage at the mo we are moving into my parents place & they are going travelling for 3-6 months (though not too far incase we need them 🙂) until I can get the mortgage sorted & me n DD can find a place to call our home.. hopefully late summer 🤞7 February 2019 at 8:36 pm #20728
Good luck with this Girlfriday, sounds like a complicated situation and that you’ve got a plan in place which is good 😊7 February 2019 at 8:40 pm #20729
Thanks welshdad I am trying to put the guilty thoughts of throwing my parents out of their home to one side… on top of everything that’s happened this is the easiest way for us to be out of the house quickly! My parents have a touring caravan so def not slumming it 😂 Just wish we had a date for the move seems to be taking ages, solicitors were missing paperwork which we had never even heard of!7 February 2019 at 8:44 pm #20730
Put it this way, they won’t be as worried about you then and that will be a weight off their mind. Separations can affect friends and extended family too and knowing you are ok will make a huge difference to them I’m sure. You’ll find ways of thanking and repaying them once you’re back on your feet. 😊7 February 2019 at 8:47 pm #20731
Yes, I know you are right and one word they (& strangely a couple of my friends) used was ‘safe’. I hadn’t even thought about it that way.. I was originally just looking for someone to rent closeish to DD sch! Thankfully parents house is v near there so she is v pleased ☺️7 February 2019 at 8:52 pm #20732
😊7 February 2019 at 9:32 pm #20736
Great news about you being able to get your house TeaandCake. Ironically I used to work at CAB and have avoided using them so far knowing how busy they get but might go and see if they can help, not heard of cooper and associates I will look them up 🙂8 February 2019 at 10:25 am #20742
Thank you Kanger1. I’m very fortunate that I was able to put down a good deposit.
Good luck GirlFriday.
It’s easy to feel like I’m the only person going through anything like this, so it’s nice to chat to people in the same boat.8 February 2019 at 1:50 pm #20760
I bought home from my ex. It wasn’t easy but I did it. My employer messed up my salary for 3 months and kept overpaying . I used the wage slips to seal the deal. Good luck