13 October 2019 at 10:34 am #31510
Hi, my friend recommend this group.
My husband of 24 years walked out on me and 3 boys (though he tells them he left me not them!)
We have had our ups and downs in the marriage but fundamentally I believed the love we had for each other and our kids/family got us through!
That was until Sept/October 2018 when the other woman entered our life, he met this trolly dolly online on plenty of fish cat-fishing her as a very good looking man, different name, job etc and it was discovered in December 18 when our two youngest children told me things they had seen their dad do.
He swore he wanted me and was sorry and I forgave him, he changed his number and did everything I asked. I did everything I could from December to July to hold us together, holidays, nights out, Ascot, concerts. But around April I started to pick things up again and was scanning phone bills etc but couldn’t find anything concrete
In Feb 19 he met her as himself and they have been building a relationship ever since (I found this out once he left)
July the 7th I went to bed as normal with him even though I had shut down somewhat and we were barely communicating as I was trying to self preserve myself I woke up on the 8th July to a WhatsApp from the woman he was talking to before with just a full stop. I replied asking her to please tell me what is going on and she blocked me. I woke him up and confronted him and he admitted he was talking to her again and had feelings for her 🥺 I asked him to leave as our son was going away and I didn’t want him worrying about us so I just went into mum mode to protect him. I still expected my husband to come home that night to face this but he hasn’t been home for 3 plus months now and stayed hiding away in a hotel the first week while my 17 year old and 10 year old had to deal with broken me, no sleeps for weeks, or eating and I literally went to the depths of hell.
14 weeks down the line he is pushing for access to our 11 year old and the older two (20 &18) are very hurt and dealing with it but not seen him. I have had very little contact with him as I am so hurt and I don’t want to see him!!
But my issue is he is saying it is not an affair as he is friends with her and sort of dating 🤷🏼♀️ but I still had his bank account on my app and he has taken her out to dinner multiple times and even transferring her money and it kills me. We had to deal with him putting himself in a relationship with her 8 weeks after leaving without even talking to his kids and last week found out he has moved in with her, again without telling his kids. He seems completely fine and living the high life while I am worrying about finances, our 3 boys and living in the family home with all the memories. He seems cold, cruel and distant. But the bit that is killing me is I have to face the facts they will be together and my 11 year old will have to see her. I am so broken, crying all the time and just feel so helpless, I feel he will get away with this and I will never get over it 😢 any advice will be gratefully received ♥️13 October 2019 at 11:45 am #31513
Hi Nicole, I feel your pain.
I was with my now exh for 23 years (married for 15) then in Jan 18 he told me he didn’t love me and moved out for 6 weeks. He swore there was no-one else and after 6 weeks apart we talked things through and he moved back in. Like you we had holidays, weekends away (my DD’s are now 20 & 15) and did all of the ‘normal’ things. After we came back from our summer holiday last Aug he told me he was leaving just like that. Swore there was no-one else and made said everything was my fault.. No arguments nothing although he had been working away more than i thought he was going to. Last Oct when I had all the financial information after he said he wanted a divorce the OW came out of the woodwork.
To cut a long story short, we are now divorced me and youngest DD have a place of our own and we are starting to rebuild our lives. It has been a very traumatic 12 months & I did give in and end up on medication for the anxiety it had caused me.
I know what you mean about the kids meeting her, this is the worse thing ever, I just try and ignore it now though we don’t have any regular visits as she doesn’t want that at the moment and the eldest has lost contact.
Take care x13 October 2019 at 1:35 pm #31515
Sorry was rushing laptop ran out of charge! What I meant was my DD doesn’t seem to want regular contact, when he left the second time he didn’t even say bye to her she was very hurt having always been a daddy’s girl & then he frequently lied to her about the OW too.
i have put my foot down at having a dream catcher from OW in her bedroom I just felt like I was getting my head together & it felt like an invasion of my new space.
It does get easier but it was a living hell at the time as he was pushing to get us out of the marital home ASAP and was threatening not to pay the mortgage.. fortunetly I have a great boss & work colleagues who moped up many a tear it felt like I was living in a real life soap opera.
Get a good solicitor & don’t be bullied no matter what.
x13 October 2019 at 11:19 pm #31528
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Last year my partner of 17 years left for no reason then a few weeks later I found he was with someone else and they’d been together for months so I sort of know how you’re feeling. It’s the most devastating thing I’ve ever been through and I never thought I’d get over it but it does get easier with time. Focus on yourself and your children and make them your priority. Make sure you keep things fair between you and don’t let him take advantage, stay strong. Try and do something for yourself, if there’s something that you’ve always wanted to do then make a plan to do it. It’s the start of a new chapter in your life and all of these experiences will make you into a stronger person. Be the best mum you can be and look after yourself. I hope things will be more positive for you soon x