Breakdown of relationship – can I protect my baby from my ex

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  • #50144 Report


    Hello everyone, looking for some advice please.

    I am currently 26 weeks pregnant with my first son. My relationship with the father has deteriorated beyond repair and I am in the process of leaving to go to another county as I have no where local to stay.

    It’s obviously a very emotional time for both of us, but he is being incredibly nasty and abusive towards me. His behaviour resulted in me barricading myself in our bedroom which led to him calling his Mum to come over because he wanted a pair of underwear from his drawer (I had told him I would give him these in the morning when things have calmed down, my only motive was keeping safe and not depriving him of his things). When his Mum arrived and the door was opened, she came to speak with me calmly, he followed behind her and started verbally attacking me in front of her, admitting that he’d been secretly recording me to show everyone ‘what I’m truly like’ and told his Mum that he wished the baby would die and I would miscarry. He also said he will take the baby from me as I am not fit to be a Mother, this is due to his opinion that I am miserable all the time and have severe mental health issues (I don’t, but I have had anxiety/depression which I’ve treated and moved on from).  He also said something about not wanting to pay for maintenance but by this time I had locked myself away in the en-suite to get away from it so I’m not 100% sure what he said.

    I had always hoped for more for my little one and to give him the family that I wanted us to be. I haven’t wanted to keep my son away from my partner before but after what he said yesterday I am extremely concerned going forward about co-parenting with someone who is as abusive and nasty as he is, and after what he said about his hopes of losing this baby, do I have any rights to protect us both when baby is here?

    I am moving about 60 miles away and have explained that if I am able to breastfeed then it’s likely the baby will need to stay overnight with me until he is weaned, he has seen this as a deliberate attempt at me stopping him from seeing the baby which isn’t the case, I’m just trying to be realistic. However, I do now feel like I don’t trust him, he gaslights me constantly and is incredibly cruel, he even pushed a door into me last night and when I pointed out that I was pregnant he replied ‘I don’t care’. It does not make me feel confident that he can be rational and calm or control himself and I wouldn’t want my baby being exposed to such behaviours.

    Things are all very raw and emotional at the moment so I imagine that with time I may be able to put my concerns aside but my gut instinct is to protect my child as the Dad hasn’t cared one bit about how his actions have impacted me. I would just like to hear from everyone on here how to navigate moving forward when things are as low as can be.

    thank you.

    #50145 Report


    When you move 60 miles away dont disclose where you live. You can then also when he texts/rings say that you would like it to stop and its unwanted communication. If he is going to text it should be a text now again if it is about unborn baby only.   There is no reason to speak to your ex until baby is born and if you have a scan photo done u could send ex a copy if he wishes. With a mum breastfeeding it is of course out of question to have an overnight stay until baby is not breastfeeding at the very earliest

    #50178 Report

    Hi Fifibean

    I’m Michelle, one of the Moderators here in the forum.  I’ve sent you a private message to your inbox.

    Kind regards


    #50244 Report


    if your life is in danger, you should call police. can also seek assistance from local council, if they can re-house you.

    #50440 Report


    Keep yourself and the baby safe. Keep well away from him and I agree, do not ever tell him your address. Once the baby is here, consider contact centres for him to see his child. It might feel a bit extreme but unfortunately this is your reality and you need to protect yourself and your child. Good luck with moving. I hope you’ll have support x

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