Bouncing back

Home Online forum Gingerbread Forum Bouncing back

Tagged: ,

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 17 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #37275 Report

    Rogerpaul
    Participant

    I was wondering how some of you single parents out there are handling the next steps of your romantic life. Do you have someone you’re pursuing? Do you have hope or optimism about your dating future?

    I ask these things because currently I’m feeling hopeless and lost.  I’m financially forced to live with the mother of my son. Then there’s another girl,  my ex,  who I discovered today is engaged.  I’m still carrying a flame for her despite her calling me a sociopath and telling me I can’t feel love for my son (or at all,  she says).  Every time I think of her those words replay in my mind and somehow I still miss her like crazy. Even though thinking of those words makes me sick to my stomach I can’t seem to let her go.  This combined with my stagnation in finances and living situation has left me feeling hopeless and undateable. Anyone else share similar feelings? If so how are you coping?

    #37287 Report

    Jazzhands
    Participant

    Hey, sounds a tough situation with the living arrangements. I can’t relate to that.

    My wife died last year but I have started a relationship with an old girlfriend from a long time ago for whom I always carried a flame too.

    Cruel and sad events have aligned to allow us to be in our lives together again, which is amazing in one way, but the  complexity of our individual lives means any future arc in our stories which places us together looks incredibly complicated.

    Love, especially involving past romances, can be amplified in times of personal trouble or need.  But sometimes in troubled times we realise our true feelings and what we really want in life.

     

     

    #37288 Report

    Jazzhands
    Participant

    All that said above, if I had to start “dating” new people I think it would scare me.  I was never any good at it before i was married and the thought of trying to go on dates with all my “baggage” seems a bit overwhelming.  However, most separated and divorced people I know, do seem to manage to find someone even if the relationships end up being complicated by living far apart, having children, or other life-situations.  However, sometimes just long term “dating” with someone is enough after everything they have been through, and the relationship can be rewarding without a full serious commitment like marriage again.

    #37501 Report

    rubyoliver
    Participant

    Hi , feel exactly the same about the dating ,I want to date but then I change my mind in fear of rejection because I have 3 kids.And been told these things by your ex must be very upsetting for you roger.

    #37511 Report

    Liane
    Participant

    After my kids dad I was so busy.

    I done s home study course with the open university which included day schooling. Then I became a full time student.

    Work and volunteering were blessings in disguise and I had some brilliant nights out with colleagues but although there were childish bouts at developing relationships they always fizzled out. Then my girlfriends suggested plenty of fish. I signed up towards the end of the year 2018 and after chatting for a few months I met up with a man and was seeing him for a year.

    But I get what you mean.

    He lived at his mums and it was weird doing the whole boyfriend girlfriend thing again. We kept drawing up at a ‘stale mate’ situation. So it ended.

    This year I’m determined to get out and socialise more often. I’ve been to karaoke nights and plan to attend my local Gingerbread club but I always feel so frigin nervous.

    #37514 Report

    MrDad
    Participant

    You’re an inspiration Liane well done 🙂 i was with my wife for 14 years and I was never really a smooth operator before so now I don’t know where to turn! Would you recommend plenty of fish? I’d like to try to get to know someone a little before meeting as this whole process is really scary for me

    #37525 Report

    Lottie5412
    Participant

    When is the right time for dating I want to know? My son is sooooo clingy and attached to me, its always been just us. I crave for someone but unsure because how would he handle that? He’s 8!!!!

    #37528 Report

    Jazzhands
    Participant

    It’s a very tough call. However sometimes, to be a happier person, we need to look after ourselves and do things for ourselves.  Just make sure you don’t stop doing everything with your son.   Romance mostly in your time not his.

    #37532 Report

    Lottie5412
    Participant

    This I know, I just have no idea how to reassure him that I’ll never disappear and I’ll always be his mom (he’s told me this is his fear!!) I should be able to be content and happy but I don’t want him to feel anxious at the same time. Lovely little roundabout I find myself on, with no idea how to get off.

    #37533 Report

    Jazzhands
    Participant

    Is his fear based on that your previous partner has already left and so you might too?

    • This reply was modified 6 months, 2 weeks ago by Jazzhands.
    #37538 Report

    Lottie5412
    Participant

    I don’t really know. My previous partner treated both me and him really badly so I left the relationship and he seemed to be really happy. I wonder if it has something to do with that deeply, although it was a good few years ago? Possibly? Not every man is like that, he is still young….

    #37566 Report

    Jazzhands
    Participant

    No…we aren’t all like that 🙂

    It’s difficult. I have 3 boys and working out what they actually think/feel about me sort-of-seeing someone is tough. They are older than yours and the situation is different but it is hard and I know they might well say one thing and feel another. However, I try and be honest with them.

    #37575 Report

    Lottie5412
    Participant

    Three boys eh? I’m barely sane with just one! Hats off to you! I’ll always be honest with my little devil, just hard to gage the reaction… What he says may not be exactly what he feels. Like I say he is still young. So he doesn’t always get adult emotions and explain them right, very much a guessing game, this being the hardest bit.

    #37576 Report

    Jazzhands
    Participant

    My stance has become that she makes me happy and is helping me get through this hard time and that helps me better cope and be happier and more able for my boys

    • This reply was modified 6 months, 2 weeks ago by Jazzhands.
    #37582 Report

    Jazzhands
    Participant

    Having said that maybe I should ask how they really feel.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 17 total)

Log in or register to reply to this thread

Log In Register