25 September 2021 at 4:08 am #60102
I’m new here, however felt this was a safe place to seek advise. I split with my ex of 10 years, nearly 4 years ago. Our son was only 6month old when I caught him having an affair, I put him out that day. He initially chose the other woman, so I raised our son as a single mum. Luckily I had a great support network, allowing me to return to work full time, he’s never financially supported him so this was needed. When he decided to step up to be a dad, he wanted me to take him back, which I refused, however growing up with separated parents I agreed to be civil etc. Unfortunately, this has never worked out, he’s had several girlfriends since, and seems to have settled down now. His contact with our son is never regular, as his/ families priorities come first, resulting in excuse after excuse for cancelling. During such a challenging few years, I’ve worked hard, raised beautiful, polite son, bought our first home, new car etc, however this is never good enough. I’m regularly brought down to nothing, told my decisions are wrong, palming my son off for free time, working too much, spending too much, going to many holidays/ days out (with my son), posting too many pictures online.. the list is endless.
the point of this is, even though he’s moved on, he won’t leave me alone. The mental abuse is exhausting. I try stick my ground on decisions, but when constantly questioned I feel like giving in and letting him win. Even though I know he’s in the wrong I feel everyone’s against me and blames me for our circumstance. On the other hand I also have family/ friends constantly moaning at me for more standing up to him enough and letting him get away with his behaviour, although i can’t stop it.
I think I’m just looking for anyone in similar position to talk to, as no one seems to see exactly what im going through.
thank you x26 September 2021 at 12:48 pm #60120
I’m sorry you are having to go through all of this.I’m not in a situation but looking objectively I think you have a few options
1. stay quiet and let it continue
2. if you feel you are able, confront your ex and say their behaviour is not ok and attempt to set boundaries on what you are/aren’t willing to discuss. You may chose to suggest that if things don’t improve you will escalate
3. take action formally – I would suggest some advice from someone who specialises in family matters but I guess could involve seeking some form of order to limit how, when and on what subjects they make contact. Obviously this could have consequences that you would need to consider for your son
Abuse from anyone isn’t ok28 September 2021 at 11:07 am #60211
Hi Akay, I’m one of the moderators on the forum. If you want to talk about your situation and get advice on your options, you can ring the Gingerbread helpline. The number is 0808 802 0925. Opening times Monday 10-6, Tuesday 10-4, Wednesday 10-1 (from 11.30 only this week) and 5-7, Thursday 10-4, Friday 10-4. It can be busy, but is worth hanging on.