16 September 2021 at 8:07 am #59240
Just looking for some advice from those who have been in a similar situation to me. I left my ex partner at 3 months pregnant as he was both emotionally abusive and controlling. I moved back in with my parents who have been incredibly supportive to me. I have had very little contact with him since and I have worked full time in order to buy our son everything he needs. I am due to give birth in 2 weeks and suddenly he has tried to initiate contact insisting I should give our son his surname and he needs to be on the birth certificate. I had planned on leaving him off it as I do not want him to have parental responsibility as I believe he will just use this as another way of controlling me. Can anyone please give me any advice on what I should do as all this worry is making me miserable? I just want my son to have a happy life.16 September 2021 at 2:24 pm #59272
You don’t have to put him on the birth certificate and you can choose you sons surname. He could apply to be added to the birth certificate after your sons born, if he wanted to.
this is something I wish I’d have taken seriously when my child was born. My child father is absent and has been for a while now, he doesn’t support her at all. But because he is on the birth certificate, if I wanted to go abroad I’d have to ask him for permission or apply to the court for permission as £250+ And I worry what would happen to her if anything happened to me, as he’d then be responsible for her, although I very much doubt he would step up and look after her. So I’ve taken out life insurance and informed my family that they’d need to go to court and apply for her to stay with them.
if you think he’s not going to step up then I’d leave him off.16 September 2021 at 2:49 pm #59273
I broke up with my ex when I was 2 months pregnant and my ex isn’t on the birth certificate and my daughter has my surname. But my ex didn’t reappear until my daughter was a toddler so it wasn’t really a choice at the time but, further down the line, I am glad he isn’t on it. He’s barely in her life (his choice) so I’m a solo parent and I raise her completely on my own. The thought of him having a say in regards to her education or medical needs or travelling abroad, just seems ridiculous.
The reality is your ex can get his name on the birth certificate regardless though. If you don’t put him on, he can take it to court and have his name put on. Thankfully my ex never gave a damn but that’s something to bear in mind if you think it matters enough to yours.
As for the surname, I didn’t want my child to have a different surname to me, although I can understand fathers feeling the same. But, as you’re not married…hell you’re not even together…there’s absolutely no reason for your son to have his over yours. I guess the compromise would be to double-barrel it or give a surname as a middle name?
And you’re amazing and strong by the way. To leave an abusive relationship is so hard at any time but to do it whilst pregnant is terrifying. But you’ve done the best thing for yourself and your son. You’re one great mamma already x16 September 2021 at 7:08 pm #59295
not adding father to birth certificate. wouldn’t that be childish and considered being abusive as well? what happens when child grows up, they get curious and ask to see birth certificate, and they ask why their dad is not on it?16 September 2021 at 7:13 pm #59296
I am just fearful that this piece of paper will give him power over me and my innocent son for the next 18 years of our lives. I hope you can understand that this is not coming from a vindictive place but I only recently realised the enormity of the decision and so want to ensure that I do the best by my son.
16 September 2021 at 7:50 pm #59298
- This reply was modified 1 month ago by mummytobee.
I think Steve’s comments are harsh and he obviously has no idea how an abusive person can affect another person. Dad can add himself to the birth certificate at a later date if he’s serious, so when/if the child asks why dads not on the birth certificate… dad will have to answer that one, not mum.
not putting him on the birth certificate is not abusive!! And Steve is obviously ignorant to abuse to even be able to say that. Where the hell has dad been for the last 6 months whilst mum works and buys everything???
like I said having a man on the birth certificate who may do a bunk, will cause no end of problems for you and your son. I’d say go with your gut, if he is serious about steeping up he will apply to be added to the birth certificate at a later date.
x22 September 2021 at 10:35 am #59299
There’s also info on the .gov website