better communication; stale mate!

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  • #63015 Report


    so here i am! full time single mum of 2. i work 27hrs a week, relying on my parents who both work full time to help with my 2 primary school aged children while i work! my husband and i officially separated from my husband (with him agreeing to move out of the family home) in October 2020. things were kind of amicable until may 2021. since then, hes been unable to attempt to make any formal child care arrangement…and ive since given up offering or planning or suggesting when, where/ how he sees them. communication is at an all time low. i want him to have a relationship with our children, relish in their successes, support them in their clubs and school work. (my son idolises his dad, and my daughter misses having fun with him).

    obviously im not the innocent party and there are lots of reasons why our relationship broke down. but i never thought we would be in a place where i would have to seriously consider taking him to court for him to see and be involved in our children’s life.

    were at a stale mate, he wants to sell the family home. im affording to pay the mortgage payments and clearing our joint debt solely (hes paying me child maintenance) however unable to raise enough funds to buy him out (if he was helping with childcare so i didn’t have to rely on my parents, or worry about child care over school holidays –  i could work more and be able to do this!). i am also trying to maintain some form of stability for our children as they’ve been through so so much. moving would inevitable mean them leaving alot of their things behind, moving schools, not able to access their clubs/ activities.

    i am at a loss of where to go, what to say….how to move forward!   do i just not bother trying any more!? do i start putting court in motion? do i sell the house knowing that i’ll do my best to help them understand the reasons why (trying to find the right words where i dont pin all these changes on my ex’s lack of consideration on the impacts its having on them!) and not even knowing if selling the house will make any changes on if the ex will actually see our children! do i just buy my time getting run down and emotionally drained, forever feeling guilty i dont have enough time with my children as were always rushing.

    ive read a few of the help topics and seen some amazing advice. if anyone is in, or has been in a similar position id love to have help… equally if there is someone from the other side i would welcome help from a different perspective. Depression made my ex incredibly selfish and tunnel visioned. im digging deep to keep open minded and positive….. (some days easier than others!)


    thanks in advance R*



    #63016 Report


    Hey there,

    You are a single mum of two.

    Same advice really as for anyone.

    Access thirty minutes free at various solicitors.

    Contact the CAB and discuss your situation.

    I’m not sure what you mean by ‘the other side’ but divorce can be hurtful to kids and so you need to put them first.

    There are no ‘winners’ in this.

    #63018 Report


    we’ve both got solicitors, but they are tit-for-tat! one disagreeing with the others advice given to the party they are representing! getting no where unfortunately.

    ive always put the needs of our children first and will continue to do so. ive actively seeked and attended family counselling which defiantly helped both children accept our change in family dynamics.

    #63022 Report

    Andrew uk

    It’s tough but take it one step at a time. It’s hard not to become disillusioned but it sounds like there’s progress. Get rid of your solicitor and get a McKenzie Friend. Don’t feel guilty – any time is better than no time. They appreciate it more than you know.

    #63027 Report


    Mackenzie friend ok. But difficult to get hold of depending on where you live and some of them cost anyway.

    Much better to research it yourself and then if you need a solicitor or barrister at least you will know to a certain extent what they are doing.

    Remember if you hire  a solicitor they are your EMPLOYEE and you pay them. Therefore you issue what are known as instructions to them.

    If you instruct them to advise that is what they should be doing. If you don’t instruct them to do certain things you DON’T PAY THEM for doing them.

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