Being told what to do as a full time mother by child’s father
Tagged: Ex calling all the shots
29 June 2020 at 9:43 pm #41818
Covid 19 hit. Decided not to send my daughter to her dads( as you’ll see in previous forum). He said he’ll support me the best he can once covid dies down with me getting back to work etc. With taking our daughter. Anyways, she’s back to her dads and has been for a while since it all eased slightly. I took 3 1/2 months off work due to working in hospitals. When deaths went down and the covid cases etc. I made a decision to go back as I needed to. Couldn’t afford to stay off any longer. So I decided if I go back, I go back to wards that I’m guaranteed is non covid obviously. Would not put my family at risk. I’ve been trained fully with PPE and have good knowledge on it all. Long story short, I’ve been told I cannot work ( from my ex’s mum, As my ex lives with his mum, due to them all living in the same household and (having underlying conditions). Yet they are all back to work at the minute. Now I agreed with the anxiety over covid. Not even realising the control she had over me at that present time, I nodded like a school child. But the more I thought about it. I’m not going into work putting myself and my daughter at risk, so I’m gonna use all precautions necessary. I provide everything for our daughter so needs must, getting back to work. Instead I was told by his mother to work in retail, until it’s over. Now there’s nothing wrong with working in Retail-it’s needed as much as nurses and all other jobs, but I choose to work in Health because it’s something I’m passionate about. Everyone’s different in their job choices.
I chose to go back to work anyway, and then received messages of my ex questioning me if I was in work etc. I feel completely controlled and manipulated and need advice. He always wants set times and it only to be ‘24hr period’ for the 2 days he has our daughter for e.g, 2pm sat-2pm Sunday. Is that not him just wanting everything his way?29 June 2020 at 9:56 pm #41820
As someone who has worked retail through-out Covid-19; it has been just as hard for us as anyone. My child’s school would not take her for the first 3 months despite me being a key worker and having a letter from my employer explaining such and my ex husband lives with his parents, both over 70 etc. Sometimes you do have to put your foot down and explain that as the primary care-giver you have to work, there is no two ways about it. Kids need feeding (more than us I have noticed!) And then they grow too so need new clothes and its just hell trying to keep on top of it all (speaking as someone who has always worried about clothes, if they are too tight etc)
Just assure them like I did, wear the PPE, wash everything as much as you can and hope for the best is all any of us can do at the moment. Hope this helps.29 June 2020 at 10:04 pm #41822
Yes, I completely understand. And my heart goes out to others in similar circumstances with different jobs! But there’s a risk no matter where you work or where you go. I believe if u use all the correct measures and ensure you’ve done the best that’s all you can do. But I need to go back and feel that I need to have my say, as the primary care giver. I feel that it’s their way or no way. And at the end of the day he’s the one living with his parents( he can change that). I’m afraid of saying it straight Incase they decide not to have her and my daughter not being able to see her dad. I completely agree with you