Being taken to court. Everything is a mess.

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  • #33547 Report


    My little boy was born in February, he’s wonderful. Sadly in June his father decided he didn’t want to be with us anymore so he asked us to move out from what was our family home in london, back to my hometown in the midlands.

    our little boy had an overnight stay on alternate weekends 3 times between June and August and it was clear that he was not happy or comfortable from how his dad and dad’s family were with him. They’re a very highly strung and stressed family which I think caused our little boy to get so upset, added to the fact that it was too long a time away from me, being his primary care giver. I really worry that the environment he will be in when he’s with his dad isn’t good for him at all. The journey is also 200 miles and takes around 5 hours taking into account stops to keep the baby comfortable.


    I always have and always will have a strong opinion that babies and children need a mother and father to be present in their life but to put a baby of now 10 months old in a position where they have to travel so far and be so upset just for the benefit of an adult or adults is not fair. So I said in August that I think my ex should come up to where our son lives now to have contact.


    my ex is applying to the court for an arrangement order because he thinks it’s in our son’s best interest to do the travelling so that the rest of his family don’t have to travel to see him.


    has anyone been through similar or have any help or advice please?

    #33564 Report


    At 9 months, your little one is very young to be away from his mum for such a long time.

    I’d object, to the court, on the grounds that it is causing your son distress. Ten hours travelling round trip for such a small baby is ludicrous. Your ex isn’t putting his son ‘s best interests first.

    #33572 Report


    I’d say your ex isn’t putting your son first. For a 10month old to travel that long hours and to be away from his mother at this stage would cause distress to him. As he does not know of his surroundings yet or why his mother isn’t there with him.


    I am in quite a similar situation only I do not agree to the father to have him overnight at all. My son is 1.


    Hope you’re okay.

    #33573 Report


    My daughter is 13 months, her dad left when she was 2 months and he’s never had her on his own. I’ve also moved towns to where the rest of my family live and he drives 2.5 hours here every other weekend. He sees her with me there, you have gone above and beyond. Personally I don’t think the ‘standard’ shared parenting and overnight visits etc come into play with a baby, a baby needs their mom, especially when it means you’re so far apart. I can’t imagine I’d be happy my ex having her for a weekend, and 2.5hours away from me until she’s at least 10.

    babies need stability and familiarity, I really cannot imagine any court ordering you to continue such an arrangement. Hope you’re okay x

    #33628 Report



    I may be corrected on this but I understand that this should be about your son’s right to see his father and those rights do not extend to his father’s family. Obviously it would be lovely for your son to have a relationship with grandparents/ extended family but I think that the court would only look at the father / son relationship and I don’t think his argument about the extended family would get very far at the moment especially as your son is so young.

    I think at this stage he needs to be concentrating on developing his own relationship with his son  in surroundings that his son is comfortable in before dragging his son halfway across the country because it’s more convenient for the adults in his life.

    #33715 Report


    I’m sorry to hear your situation. My ex husband walked out when our LG was 8 months old, he had mid week contact and an overnight stay once a week (much earlier than what I felt comfortable with, and I’m sure it has caused much of her seperation anxiety). Having now been through the courts with an order in place, (she is now 2 years old), I would say try and agree what you can out of court, however the court process can be lengthy and costly, plus you need to attempt mediation first etc.

    Whatever happens, your sons interests are imperative and I can’t imagine such lengthy travelling would be considered in his best interests, especially whilst so young. Best of luck x

    #33719 Report


    Thanks for all your replies on this, sometimes I doubt myself and think I’m being unreasonable but to know I’m not the only one with the views I have is nice to know. I just think the travelling is unfair on my baby and the long time he will be away from me will confuse and upset him.


    Whenever it is that I will have to go to court does anyone know what will happen? We have gone to one mediation session already, is it likely we will be asked to go back? I’m not going to change my views and my baby’s father clearly isn’t either. Surely a court wouldn’t deem it appropriate that me and my baby travel just to enable overnight contact with my ex partner?


    It’s all so stressful and I try to stay positive for my little one but sometimes it just gets a bit much x

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