Being messed around with contact
19 July 2021 at 5:32 pm #56729
First time posting on here. I’ve been separated from my children’s Father for over 2 1/2 years, they have never seen him consistently despite me asking numerous times to put regular arrangements in place. My children love him very much and I feel it’s important that they have regular contact with him. He recently got into a new relationship and as a result has put more effort into ringing them but still no further forward in arranging regular visits. As it’s the summer holidays and as most single parents will know I have to plan out work, holiday clubs, play dates etc in advance so have asked him for days he’d like to have them over the holidays, after 3 weeks of waiting he gave me the dates and I’ve let him know which days they are available. I then got abuse about it not being enough(I said yes to 6 days out of 9 he asked for) and now despite asking twice he won’t confirm. He has had them to stay once in the last 9 months and this is the first school holidays that he has given me any dates to see them, as it’s normally as and when he feels like it. I feel so worn out and frustrated having to chase him all the time to make arrangements and see his children but I do it for their sake. Is anyone else in a similar position? I guess I’m just after some advice of how other people would handle this situation because it is really getting me down. Thanks for reading x19 July 2021 at 6:23 pm #56730
it’s great that your encouraging dad to see kids. does he live far away, or he’s just not bothered?19 July 2021 at 7:21 pm #56731
He lives about a 15 minute walk away so bothered enough sadly…19 July 2021 at 8:23 pm #56732
sounds tiring. Maybe you could leave the ball in his court, and not bother chase him up anymore. wait for him to make contact again if he is serious.19 July 2021 at 9:36 pm #56737
It is…. yeah I think I will do that. It’s just unfair to keep holding off plans or cancelling when he decides he wants them, so don’t know if I’m wrong for just going ahead with our plans anyway! Thanks very much for responding, appreciate it.20 July 2021 at 6:45 am #56739
Hi, maybe he sees it as you nagging him ( clearly your not) so in my opinion in future send him an email along the lines of – I need to plan the school holidays, what dates do you want to have the children?
I need to know your answer by (date) if I hear nothing by that date then you will not see the children or only if and when it suits my plans.
I have to pay for childcare in advance, if I am going to lose money because of your late reply I will only accept any change of plans if I am reimbursed, I will provide you with proof of payment.
It is not my job to chase you to see your children, you either want to see them or you don’t. I have to plan for their care and this has to be done and paid in advance. This is the only time I will send you this so the ball is very much in your court, I am being reasonable so if you don’t respond in time then you only have yourself to blame.
That’s what I’d do anyway!20 July 2021 at 10:20 pm #56761
Thank you very much for the advice and the wording, I shall definitely be using that and an email makes it a bit more formal. Will give it a go and see if I manage to get a response. Thanks for taking the time to message 🙂20 July 2021 at 10:27 pm #56762
Good luck, I hope it works out.24 July 2021 at 9:13 pm #56917
thank you very much.