Becoming single

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  • #39762 Report


    Hello everyone. I’m new to forums but was pointed in the direction of this site. There is obviously a long story to my upcoming divorce, and I certainly wont say I dont have a part in it. I have been evicted from my house due to an event that I dont remember. Alcohol based on both parties. I plead guilty in court, as I was extremely emotional, not realising what was happening, and hoping it would be a fast resolve to go home and put right any issues. I was wrong.

    Since the event I have seen counsellors and been to AA for 8 months. I am 8 months with no alcohol. I am trying to have shared parenting/ access to my 2 girls, 13 and 10, but my stbx is not allowing anything more than she wants. So far she has allowed mon and Thursday after school until 7pm( Corona has been 9-7) and now, as of last weekend, Friday 5pm to Sunday 430pm. My girls say they want to see me more, and stay more often, but she just seems to ignore it. Latest one was last weekend, when they wanted to stay Sunday night as I had them Monday. She said no, they have horse riding. This is on her own horse.

    Looking back now I can see the abuse I suffered, mental, physical,sexual. But I didnt see it then.  I have seen her bank statements and believe if she had control of all the money it would have been spent.

    I am trying to move on, to do what’s best for our daughters but I feel as though she is making it so difficult for me, while she Carrie’s on as she did, drinking, working and horse riding,  while controlling our daughters. I’m not sure where to go from here.

    I guess I’m just venting , I am renting this 3 bed house to have my daughters stay 2 nights every 2 weeks.

    Sorry it’s so long, it could have been longer!! And I’m feeling a bit lonely and sad. Losing my home, my wife, my total family, everything nearly that I’ve worked towards in the last 20 years.

    #39894 Report


    I would say that seeking help for the alcohol abuse was definately the correct first step. You need to be sure that you are in a good place mentally and physically for the sake of your children.


    However in regards to visitstion etc the best advice is to either attempt mediation or seek the advice of a solicitor. Because if you have nothing formal in place then your ex has no obligation to grant anything you request. Go through the proper channels to arrange a formal access agreement. And ensure you remain civil and polite and focused on your recovery and the best interests of your children moving forward. It may be worth speaking to your gp and explaining the situation and your feelings of sadness and loneliness as they may be able to help.


    Stay safe

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