Becoming single again after 16 years

[Goose1505]

Hi all.

I have recently split from my wife and to be honest I am struggling.

The feelings of emptyness and lonlyness are overwhelming.

I am not originally from Taunton and I don’t really have any friends to speak of or a support network

I need to start finding out who I am all over again which is daunting to say the least.

Does anyone know of any local groups that I could look into to make some new friends?

Thanks in advance

[Mum02]

Have you thought of volunteering in the area maybe local sports club, go to a night class. Hope you find something.

[Goose1505]

I have and will be looking into it in the not too distant future. It seems that there is a massive hole surrounding friendships as an adult.

Thanyou for your thoughts

[Mum02]

Making friends as adults is hard. Most of the people I know are through my children. Hope you get to meet some people.

[Beckyjo]

Hi Goose 1505

It is so tough – I can remember life just seeming utterly terrifying and feeling completely lost. So first and foremost, it is completely normal to feel like this. Separation is a major life event and finding it emotional just shows that you are human. You are doing really well just to keep going at the moment and should be proud of yourself for the proactive step of coming on this website.

I definitely recommend hobbies. I run, read and ‘write’ (a very self indulgent family blog/diary) because they are all free and flexible (I have 3 teens) BUT my real lifeline has been music and playing in a band, because it gets me OUT OF THE HOUSE. It’s essential that you escape your 4 walls at least once a fortnight. So think about what you enjoy doing and look for a club or evening class or running group that might fit the bill. There might even be a local Gingerbread group.

Anyway best wishes for it all. Every positive step you take will make you start to feel back in control. You can do this!

 

[Goose1505]

Hi, and thanks for your thoughts and words of kindness.

It’s not somewhere I ever hoped I would be, but these things happen and yes it is utterly terrifying.

In addition to the local rifle club, I have now joined a mindfulness group that meets once a month and covers various topics to do with mental health.

I hope this goes some way to meeting new people and healing myself.

Thanks again.

[Jazzhands]

Since being a single dad, following my wife’s death last year, I have tried really hard to do the opposite of what I would naturally do which is to hide away and become a hermit.  I have tried to rekindle friendships with old friends from yesteryear as well as try and forge new friendships with people who were effectively acquaintances before.  To do this I have had to be more talkative and open but that helps me as well as allowing friendships to form by being open.  I have found other people (men) who I am now friends with have also started to open up with things which otherwise they wouldn’t have.  As an introvert it has been difficult to be like this but I now rely on friends to talk about everyday life rather than my wife.  Finding people to talk to makes one feel less alone and can also open opportunities to other things and activities.

[Jazzhands]

After saying all that, if you ever wanted to just chat and talk I can offer you an ear, even though I’m nowhere near Taunton.  Let me know.

[Goose1505]

Hi. Firstly, my sincere condolences for your loss. I can’t imagine what that must have been like. Whilst myself and my wife are apart, at least she is still around. It takes guts to open up on a forum like this to a complete stranger, so thank you and keep up the good work, it’s obviously working or you wouldn’t be here talking to me🙂

Your right, it’s super hard. I have found myself immersing in work, which whilst not a solution, it’s a temporary stop gap and offers familiarity and friendship of sorts.

I have started to try to find local social groups near me to at least get me out the house, and so far it’s working, but much like you, I am not outgoing donut makes the task harder.

I am sure I will get there eventually and thanks for the offer of an ear…….I may take you up on it.

Lastly, can I say you are a credit to yourself, your kids and your late wife!!

Thanks

[Jazzhands]

Thank you.m, nice of you to say. I am trying to be a better and more communicative person. Of course it’s often easier to type than to speak but I’m getting on with that too….maybe too much my friends might say – I guess not having adult company around all the time makes me have verbal waterfalls when I do speak to someone.

[Jazzhands]

Have you tried looking at meetup.com – might find local meetup groups for interests you may have?

[Goose1505]

That is exactly where I have gone. Joined a local group that is all to do with CBT, which I figured may help to. They only meet monthly but better than nothing!

[Jazzhands]

Interesting. Although being in charge of three kids means it is hard to get out to thing without calling in favours, which are now hard to repay, it to pay.

I am lucky in that I have a close knit band which I have played in since befire my kids were born do that gives me an escape and fun….I just have to pay to go now.

Sounds like you are starting to do the right things. Make the most of any time you do get to our and try and plan and book things in advance – commit yourself.

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