Badmouthing me through children

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  • #8407 Report

    MarieO
    Participant

    Hi, I’m new here, recently divorced after a long separation ay my instigation. My ex is coercive and aggressive with me, still blaming me for ending things even though they were terrible and he is in a new, ostensibly happy relationship.

    Recently he is confusing my children by asking them to report on my behaviour. He has told them that he disagrees with my parenting and that they should let him know when I make mistakes. It is damaging to my ability to parent like a human rather than a robot, but more damaging for them – they have picked up that he wants mistakes to be made.

    Has anyone else experienced this and what did you do which was best for the children?

    #8437 Report

    Hi Marie

    Unfortunately these abusers never change do they?

    I’d suggest giving Women’s Aid a call.  They’re really knowledgable and will be able to offer advice.

    What sort of ages are your children and do you have an order in place?

    K

    #8469 Report

    Londongirl88
    Participant

    I get this, my ex tries to belittle me as a mother and bad mouth me to others but I know I’m doing right by them and being the best mum I can and they love me as I love them and you continue doing what you’re doing you’re doing the best you can and don’t worry he just wants to have something to comment on cos quite frankly means they’re not over things if they want something to argue about

    #8474 Report

    MarieO
    Participant

    Hi, thanks so much. My children are 8 and 5. No order for their care, they are resident with me and he lives at the other end of the country.

    I called Women’s Aid a while ago and they were really helpful, but that wasn’t specifically about the children, more about physical and sexual threats to me as we were splitting up, so that’s great advice thanks x

    #8475 Report

    MarieO
    Participant

    So confusing isn’t it. It’s like he wants me to fail at being without him, to prove his point. Even though he’s the one who has moved on.

    #8861 Report

    Poppy
    Member

    Hi there MarieO,

    Thank you for your posts and welcome to the Gingerbread community and forum.

    Just to let you know, we’ve popped you a quick email with some information if you need it. It’s important that you get the right advice and support at this time. It’s also great to see other single parents sharing and chatting through this with you – I’m sure other parents will be able to offer further support and insight.

    Take care and best wishes,

    Poppy at Gingerbread

    #8862 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    Hi Marie,

    I get this (they live with the Mum so they hear this bs ALL the time). I’m going to court soon over access issues and I’ve written into my parenting plan about not bad mouthing each other or having arguments within the hearing of the children and also her listening into phone calls and coaching answers. However, as my solicitor pointed out, it’s almost impossible to police or do anything about. She suggested the best thing to do was to be the best parent you can be, relaxed, not trying to overcompensate for the negativity and children do figure these things out for themselves and make their own conclusions.

    You could also try Family Lives, FREE 24 hour helpline 0808 800 2222 http://familylives.org.uk who might have some other practical advice.

    All the best.

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)

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